In Holiday Guide

No thanks. Maybe someone on your Chicago list wants it.

6 terrible Milwaukee gifts

A version of this article originally ran on Dec 16, 2015.

It's not about the gifts – it's about the spirit and all that – but there are certain presents that most Milwaukeeans would not appreciate. It's not that these potential presents are completely awful or offensive to all, it's just ... no.

Here are six items that, most likely, no one from Brew City wants to find under our tree, next to our menorah or in our stocking. Guaranteed.

1. Malört

Although popular in Chicago, most Milwaukee folk find this liqueur repulsive. One even describes it as tasting like what death smells like. Others claim it has notes of gasoline, poison, earwax and rotten grapefruit. Ho, ho, hell no.

2. Milorganite

Although an effective fertilizer and a practical offering to a gardener, no one really wants a stocking full of poopy stuff. A Milorganite T-shirt, however, makes a wonderful gift, especially for the person in your life who gives you the most sh*t.

3. Louise's gift cards

Don't even try to regift the one you never used. For obvious reasons.

4. Cheeseheads

(PHOTO: Foamation, Inc. / Facebook)

Sorry, former OnMilwaukee sports writer Jimmy Carlton, but I think there are many Milwaukeeans who neither embrace this foamy faux pas nor want one gift wrapped.

5. California cheese

(PHOTO: Shutterstock)

While on the subject of cheese, sort of, let's keep those holiday gift boxes free from California queso, mmmkay? We all know Wisco cows are more attractive, productive and much, much smarter than their Cali counterparts.

6. I.O.U. for Michelle Obama book tour tickets

If you haven't already purchased tickets for this event taking place in March, chances are you're priced out at this point – even if the person you wanted to get them for was extra, extra nice this year. "Lowest price" is currently at $695 each. Not a very becoming price at all.


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