In Holiday Guide

No thanks. Maybe someone on your Chicago list wants it.

6 terrible Milwaukee gifts

A version of this article originally ran in 2016.

It's not about the gifts – it's about the spirit and all that – but there are certain presents that most Milwaukeeans would not appreciate. It's not that these potential presents are completely awful or offensive to all, it's just ... no.

Here are six items that, most likely, no one from Brew City wants to find under our tree, next to our menorah or in our stocking. Guaranteed.

1. Malört

Although popular in Chicago, most Milwaukee folk find this liqueur repulsive. One even describes it as tasting like what death smells like. Others claim it has notes of gasoline, poison, earwax and rotten grapefruit. Ho, ho, hell no.

2. Milorganite

Although an effective fertilizer and a practical offering to a gardener, no one really wants a stocking full of poopy stuff. A Milorganite T-shirt, however, makes a wonderful gift, especially for the person in your life who gives you the most sh*t.

3. Free drink chips from Vitucci's

We were sorry to see this iconic lounge go earlier this year, but at this point free drink chips from Vitucci's is the equivalent of stocking coal.

4. Cheeseheads

(PHOTO: Foamation, Inc. / Facebook)

Sorry, former OnMilwaukee sports writer Jimmy Carlton, but I think there are many Milwaukeeans who neither embrace this foamy faux pas nor want one gift wrapped.

5. California cheese

(PHOTO: Shutterstock)

While on the subject of cheese, sort of, let's keep those holiday gift boxes free from California queso. We all know Wisco cows are more attractive, productive and much, much smarter than their Cali counterparts.

6. Tickets to see "Cats" at a Marcus Theatre

Critics are calling it a "musical adaptation straight outta the litter box" and "a nightmare that won't end," thus we don't recommend anyone give the gift of "Cats" tickets from Marcus Theatres or really any theater on the planet for that matter.


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