If we're going to spend 12 hours watching Jeds fight for love (or at least a music contract), at least "The Bachelor: Listen to Your Heart" -¬†aka "Jeds 2: Generic Boogaloo" - ended as pleasantly as possible.
The Jeds hit the road, traveling from the Bachelor mansion in Los Angeles to Las Vegas for their next performance - and along the way, not much good television happens. But hey: We finally got "Shallow"!
"The Bachelor: Dawn of the Jeds" got 5,000,000 percent less annoying on Monday night - and about one-sixth closer to being finished.
Congrats to "The Bachelor: Jeds on Jeds on Jeds": It only took half of your inaugural season, but you may have finally found a reason to exist.
"Listen to Your Heart" is just "The Bachelor" again - the same dramas, the same formulas and the same bland romances just with faker people, more karaoke and thankfully fewer episodes. And hey, look at that: We're one-third the way done already!
For 80 minutes, the debut of "The Bachelor Presents: Listen to Your Heart" was rendered silent. Call it hilariously ironic. Call it divine intervention trying to direct me toward better life choices. I call it an excuse to drink even more wine than usual.
People stuck indoors with nothing to do but talk to themselves, look at screens and piddle around on social media. No, it's not our current reality; it's reality television - Netflix's "The Circle," to be exact. And Matt watched it. With wine.
Tuesday night's "Bachelor" final bow for Peter was so preposterously entertaining and overall ludicrous, Harrison might not have been overstating it this time: It may just be the most dramatic finale they've ever had.
Let's talk about the latest episode of "Peter Propellers Makes Bad Decisions And Drives Matt To Alcoholism" - which is especially the case this week because it's the fantasy suite episode aka my least favorite episode. .
On Monday night, perfection thy name was "The Bachelor," providing a deliciously entertaining episode and easily the two most enjoyable hours anyone's ever spent in Cleveland, Ohio.
You don't need me to tell you that Kelsey had a bad night on Monday. All you need to do is look at the photo above, and you can safely assume that things did not go according to plan.
Bad news, everyone (but good news for our brain cells): There's only one more episode of "Bachelor in Paradise" left this year. Worse news: The show spent the penultimate episode getting real serious and sad.
Tuesday night's episode of "Bachelor in Paradise" was always going to be a "skip the glass and just glug from the wine jug" kind of night, because of Krystal and Chris's wedding. But then John Paul Jones had to add to the sadness.
Ring the bell and bring out Michael Buffer to prepare people for rumbling: It was fight night on "Bachelor in Paradise" Monday night. And all of this over a pi√Īata.
Did you think "The Bachelor" was done for a bit after Hannah B.'s finale last week? YOU THOUGHT WRONG! There are no breaks. There is no relief. There is no mercy. There is only more "Bachelor" - "Bachelor in Paradise," in this case.