What do you do when you don't like the way your mate smells?
What do you do when you don't like the way your mate smells?
For starters, you can tell him to take a shower.... with soap.
For starters, you can tell him to take a shower.... with soap.

Does your mate pass the "smell test?"

It's been scientifically proven that our sense of smell is directly connected to our memory. (That explains why you get flashbacks of college dorm rooms when you smell Brut cologne or Ramen noodles.)

Memories of your significant other or whomever you happen to be getting horizontal with should, in theory, be happy ones.

So, what if the smell of that person isn't something that sets you off in a good way? If this is just a romp, go home, take a hot shower and you're good to go.

However, I recently received an e-mail from someone confessing that although she's into the guy she's been seriously dating, she's not all that thrilled about the way he smells. As a disclaimer, it's not that this guy doesn't shower or is an overly enthusiastic patchouli oil fan, but just "his smell" alone is not something she is fond of.

So, she asks, "Is this a deal breaker?"

It depends.

If the natural body smell of your guy is a constant nagging thought when you are with him, then yeah. You shouldn't be with someone if you are consumed by thoughts of Glade Plug-Ins. However, if it's something that you just are not used to yet, perhaps this is a smell that you'll grow to like as the memories attached to that smell blossom.

I dated a guy for a little while in high school that didn't shower regularly and wore the same college sweatshirt almost every day. Don't bother asking how I got hooked up with this guy. I would've preferred a tear-jerking amount of aftershave to the smell of pubescent body grease and when I broke up with him, I was right back to dating my high school sweetheart -- who did indeed shower and did wear too much cheap cologne.

My point is, when someone's smell isn't pleasant to you, that's what you'll concentrate on. Not on going out to dinner, not on your possible future together and probably not on getting busy.

If you really like the guy, consider buying him some nice soap or cologne that you both like. However, if that d…

If you trust your partner, there is nothing wrong with "roughing it."
If you trust your partner, there is nothing wrong with "roughing it."

Rough around the edges

One of the great things about sex is there are so many different ways to enjoy it.

Like coffee, you can mix it up with different things, share with others or have it on your own, and it comes in many sizes and flavors. OK, maybe I'm pushing it. The point is that whether you're a fan of being on top, a public-places lover or a traditional missionary type, when you get what you want, you can really get into it.

So, let's get down to it and talk rough sex.

Rough sex gets a bad rap because it can so easily be misinterpreted. Rough encompasses an entire spectrum of things that may be just outside the box. (OK, that one wasn't intentional, this is just too easy.) In all honesty, it's far more popular than you'd think, based on how we tend to talk about it at parties.

My friend Kelly, for instance, has told me that she likes getting her hair tugged and when her boyfriend pins her arms above her head during sex. OK. I can see the draw, yet it still seems pretty tame.

I've ventured to ask other friends that go as far as to say they could or do get into the whole "rape fantasy." Before we go any further with this, I'm going to take some artistic license and rename that term, because lets face it, there's nothing fantastic about rape, no matter how you spin it.

Let's drop this rather insulting term and use something like ... domination fantasy. That I can live with.

All right, domination fantasy is a little more off the cuff and probably the reason people think "rough sex" is as rough as it sounds. And it's not just the ladies that like it rough. I know plenty of guys that have confessed a love of being on one end or the other of a domination fantasy.

Yes ladies, it's true, he wants you to ravage him even if it hurts a little. It's a game of submission and domination and if you're comfortable enough with the person you're sharing a bed with, bringing up what you like shouldn't be a problem even if it comes with whips and chains.…

Office romances present a special breed of peril and potential problems.
Office romances present a special breed of peril and potential problems.

Office romances represent hazardous duty

It's so unfair. You're stuck day in and day out, 40 hours a week or more with a group of people you're either not allowed to have a relationship with due to company policy or you know -- whether from instinct or experience -- that it's not a good plan.

I've been there before and know many other people who have as well. My advice to you if you're mulling over the idea of knocking boots with a coworker is this; proceed with caution.

Work can be a great way to meet people with similar interests, similar education levels and not to mention, the work place can be a serious aphrodisiac. I'm sure many of you reading this are thinking I'm crazy and that there is little in your life that turns you off more than your job. But bear with me.

Stress, success, positions of power and spending that much time with another person definitely can lead to sexual tension. Say that 10 times fast.

I know a woman whose company shipped her overseas without any real explanation to the rest of the office.

Not surprisingly, some of the rumors that had been circling about her sudden change in hemisphere mutated into reality. She and the president of the company (married with two kids) had been using the conference table for uh, "activities unbecoming of a company president."

So, rather than wait for her to sue the snot out of them, the company put her on a plane, gave her a promotion and crossed their fingers that she'd be so thrilled with the idea that she'd keep her mouth shut. And she has. Yes, I realize this is a rather extreme case, but it provides a telling example.

If you and a co-worker end up messing around or starting a relationship, know that it's not the relationship that should worry you. The problem is if things go sour, you, your ex and everyone within your company will now be stuck in the uncomfortable situation of dealing with the fallout from your relationship. We can't all be Jim and Pam from "The Office."

If you kept your rel…

Women think about sex a lot, just not as much as men.
Women think about sex a lot, just not as much as men.

Flying solo: A woman's view of "self-love"

(Editor's note: The following blog is intended for mature audiences).

When I started this sexy little endeavor a few weeks ago, I envisioned it as a dialog and not a monologue. Well, the first letter has arrived in the inbox and it was worthy of attention. As always, if you have a question or a comment, feel free to e-mail sarah@staff.onmilwaukee.com.

In the meantime, here is our first letter:

Dear Sarah,

I am not currently in a relationship. I don't have a lot of close female friends. Therefore, I don't have anyone else to ask a question that has been puzzling me for a long time concerning masturbation. I'm not talking about it from a male standpoint. I'm practically a Ph. D. in that department. I want to know about your side of the ledger:

I know women masturbate. I've heard the jokes about toys, vibrators, etc.

My question is about the particulars -- frequency, fantasy and urgency. How often do women feel the need "rub one out?" Do women use porn in this endeavor? Do women still feel the need to when they are in a relationship and "getting some" on a regular basis?

Are "toys" always involved, or is that only for "special occasions." Same question applies, I guess, to lubricating agents. Do women fantasize about specific people they know, strangers, co-workers? Do women ever feel the urgency to "take care of themselves" in the car or in the office bathroom, etc. What about the timing? Is this something relegated to the end of the day? Is a nap required afterward or can it be a way to jump start a day of shopping, working out, etc.

These are the questions that try men's souls.

Well, they make me curious, anyway ... I'd appreciate your input.


Sarah responds:


It's interesting to hear that female masturbation is such a curiosity to men. I guess it's not all that surprising, but thanks for bringing it up. I hope the following answers some of your query on the topic.