Photo: Shutterstock.
Photo: Shutterstock.
Photo: Shutterstock.
Photo: Shutterstock.
Photo: Shutterstock.
Photo: Shutterstock.
Photo: Savvapanf Photo/Shutterstock.
Photo: Savvapanf Photo/Shutterstock.
Photo: Shutterstock.
Photo: Shutterstock.
Photo: Shutterstock.
Photo: Shutterstock.
Photo: Disney.
Photo: Disney.

7 Halloween costumes that can never be made sexy

Sexy Halloween costumes. Some people love 'em. Some people hate 'em. Some people want Halloween to remain rooted in terror, while others love the inherent liberation in pretending to be something they're not (or something they wish they could be).

There is a lot of chatter around the internet about which costumes SHOULD never be made sexy. But I'm telling you these costumes COULD never be made sexy. Try as you might, no amount of midriff, no length of skirt, and no hue of lipstick in these costumes will ever inspire arousal from the opposite sex.

1. Excel spreadsheet

Individually it would be easy to think that the words "spread" and "sheet" could lead to something sexy, but put them together and physics takes over, changing the chemical properties of the two words into a costume that could not possibly be made sexy.

Even populating all those cells with the number "69" would fail to make this costume sexy. Photo: Shutterstock.

2. A pea

I like peas. I eat 'em every week. But even I have to admit the taste of peas might best be described as a dull funk. And let me tell you, dull funk are two words that have never come near the word sexy. I could imagine a two peas in a pod costume could be made sexy. A singular pea, though? Sorry buddy, but you might as well put on your "staying in" pants.

That dull funk is making me sweat. Suggested by Dave Begel. Photo: Shutterstock.

3. Jabba the Hutt

Some people find power sexy, but one of Star Wars' most powerful gangsters, Jabba the Hutt, can not possibly be made sexy. Try as he might, licking his lips and waggling his tail, it's hard to imagine anything arousing about an oversized, turd-shaped worm.

He's missing that wiggle in his walk and that giggle in his talk. Suggested by Nick Barth. Photo: Disney.

4. Portable toilet

You're at an outdoor festival. You've had a few beers to drink. You excuse yourself to "take care of some business." Does anybody ever approach a port-o-potty with anything less than a hint of dre…

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