In Movies & TV Commentary

This snow likely didn't fall up. (PHOTO: Bobby Tanzilo)

10 dumb things TV weathermen say

I have always thought that the weather during a newscast was a waste of time that could be devoted to something else, like real news or real sports. But most people who are surveyed say the weather is the top reason they watch local newscasts.

All I've ever wanted to know about the weather is what it's going to be like tomorrow. I don't even particularly care what it was like today since I was here for today. I also don't really care what it was like in Butte, Mont.

When the weather is severe, like storm warnings or big snow or rain that causes floods, I can see devoting time to the weather. But other than that it could be a 90-second spot and then let's get back to the important stuff.

Another big part of why I don't much care for the weather reports is the dumb things I hear when I am stuck watching. Here are 10 dumb things TV weathermen say and/or do:

  1. "The snow is coming down." No kidding. What else would it be doing, going up?

  2. "We have 9 new inches of snow on the roads so slow down out there." These people are the masters of the obvious.

  3. Why do we need to have a weatherman certified by the American Meteorological Society? Why do we even need meteorologists? The best and most timely and most accurate weather information comes from the National Weather Service, a government office. TV stations could just have the anchors read the report from the NWS and they could save a lot of money paying those big-time meteorologists.

  4. "I'm standing out here in the rain, Bruce." This is television. We can see where you are standing in the rain with your station logo stamped on your umbrella, jacket, hat and microphone. We've all been in rainstorms. Do you expect us to applaud because you are out there?

  5. "There's a panhandle hook headed our way." Nobody knows what a panhandle hook is. They just say this to try and impress us with how smart and sophisticated they are.

  6. The way stations compete to create the most catchy name for their radar. First Alert, Sky Vision, Weather Watch. Each one may have different graphic looks. But, radar is radar.

  7. "The best part of this job is keeping people safe." If that really is the best part of your job and you are working in Milwaukee, this good feeling comes around only once or twice a year and sometimes, not even that much.

  8. "It looks like our winter will be colder than usual." Who are they trying to kid? They have trouble telling us what it's going to be like tomorrow. And now they want us to believe they can forecast a five-month winter?

  9. Why do weathermen have to wear suits and ties? I mean, why don't they dress for the weather? Short sleeves in summer, a parka in the winter.

  10. I wonder why they take their normal forecasts so seriously, like it's a matter of real importance. I liked it better when we had an alley cat giving us the weather. I also like it better when they have pretty women doing the weather. Something about pretty women and weather seems to go together.

So there!

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