In Living Commentary

Winter is a good time to put a fire back in your relationship.

Put the spark back in your relationship

Do you have to trade the excitement of a new relationship for the comfort of a familiar one? After the first few months of getting-to-know-you, do you have to lose the thrill?

The other night my boyfriend asked me if I had anything cute to wear to bed. I looked down at my outfit, which consisted of his track pants, his over-sized T-shirt and my gigantic wool socks and smirked, "Why? This doesn't do anything for you?"

Even I thought I looked frumpy, but in my defense, it's the middle of winter and he refuses to turn the heat above 63 degrees. Unless they make super-sexy thermal underwear, that's not frumpiness, it's survival. Half the time, I'm tempted to wear a knit hat when I stay at his house.

I admit it. I'm comfy cozy in love ... and it shows. When we first started dating, I made huge efforts to look my best all hours of the day and night, freezing to death or not, even when I was sick, even when I was sleeping. After you get close enough to someone and you know that they know that you don't wake up in the morning with your hair done, they know you have morning breath and that maybe, just maybe, when you've had a little too much wine, you snore a little.

Now, that's not me (wink, wink). My breath smells like fresh squeezed lemons when I wake up, I never snore even if I have a sinus infection and I'm passed out on cold meds, and even when I just roll out of bed my hair looks like Kim Kardashian's. My only fault is the frumpy wintertime outfits. That's my cross to bear.

For the rest of you, who aren't so lucky, maybe it's time to get back to that happy place you lived in when you first got together. Remember that feeling you got those first few giddy months where one long kiss made you feel like you could fly and throw up all at the same time. Well, why not find that feeling again? There's nothing like a first kiss. That's like getting high for the first time. You'll never get back there, but why not have a little fun trying?

When everything is new between you, it's all pretty breath-taking and spontaneous and impulsive, but once the comfort level sets in, do we have to turn into the stereotypical "an old-married couple?" My frumpwear talk with the boyfriend reminded me of this.

Being comfortable in the presence of your loved one is great. You are yourself, borrowed sweatpants and all. Sweatpants are the best, but no one wants to look at you (or me) wearing them night after night. So, with that in mind, and since it is the season, lets make a few New Year's resolutions to spice things up:

  • Don't forget how fun making out is! (But not in public, please!)
  • Be more spontaneous. Whatever you do in your bedroom can be done in other rooms of the house.
  • Watch less porn. Yes, you heard me. A recent blog on CNN laid out how porn ruins our sex lives. Read it!
  • Share some food. Ever eaten an ice cream Drumstick with someone? Do it.
  • Go on dates. I don't care if you've been together for five months or 50 years, everyone should date forever.
  • Be jackasses together. I don't mean in a publicly annoying way. I mean find something that makes you both laugh like idiots and make it your thing.
  • And a personal one for me, I resolve to wear cuter stuff to bed again, even if it means I wear a down comforter for the hours leading up to bed. I'm currently out shopping for a Playboy bunny knit hat and wool bustier.

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