In Dining

Do not eat. (PHOTO: bonnebell.com)

Five things I've eaten that weren't food

It's time for Dining Month, presented by Deer District and its spooky Halloween-themed alter ego, Fear District. Throughout the month of October, we'll be serving up fun and fascinating content about all things food. The signature dish, however, is our 2019 Best of Dining poll, who's winners we will dish out all month long. Get hungry, Milwaukee!

Clearly, I have an oral fixation. (Yeah, yeah, pervs, go there if you must.) I have always liked eating, drinking and smoking – even though I have not done the latter in many years now.

Recently, after scolding my son for, again, chewing on a pen cap, I started thinking about all of the things I've put into my mouth that were not meant for consumption.

Here is a list of items I've eaten that were not food.

Bonne Bell lip smacker – I could not help it. I was five and it smelled so much like bubblegum that I had to taste it. Terrible idea. The Dr. Pepper flavored one wasn't any better.

Paste – I had a problem with eating food that looked like vanilla frosting, but wasn't. However, it was totally unnecessary for that yellow-haired boy to point at me and announce to the entire kindergarten that I was a paste-licker.

Crisco – See "paste."

Barbie Doll shoes – This one baffles me. I have a very vague memory of chewing on squishy, plastic Barbie shoes when I was about 2. I remember gnawing on them for a long time, but I do not think that I swallowed them.

Easter egg dye pellets – I thought they were Sprees (candy). So I ate them. And wow, colorful poop.

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