The weirdest national days in the month of March
Ever feel like there's a random national celebration for every single day of the year, hashtagging its way across Twitter and giving publications excuses to list things? (*tips cap*) Well, that's because, according to the National Day Calendar website, there is – often times a plethora of random celebrations packed into just one 24-hour period.
Some of them make sense. National Puppy Day on March 22? Dawwww, yay for cuddly wuddly puppers. International Women's Day on March 8? A noble cause if there ever was one. National Potato Chip Day on March 14? Not that I ever need an excuse to nosh a bag or five ... but I'll take one! But some of them are just bonkers, either obviously contrived creations or merely evidence that the shady Illuminati society behind all these national days might have too much time on its hands.
Here are the 10 weirdest days you can technically celebrate in the month of March.
1. Soup It Forward Day
When: March 3
The concept of paying it forward – or, in the case of this national day, souping it forward, which is exactly what it sounds like – has been around for literally centuries, but for most of us, the reason why we know of the idea is 2000 movie named after the movement. Which is weird because that movie notoriously bombed, with critics and the public – so much so, it landed its director Mimi Leder in filmmaker jail, banished to television for practically two decades. And have you seen "Pay It Forward" lately? It's NUTS. The movie ends with a kind child getting murdered. Can't imagine why audiences and critics didn't enjoy it! But here we are, still using its titular philosophy.
Anyways, make some soup and pass it along to somebody who could use it. And don't watch "Pay It Forward." I didn't even mention that it also stars Kevin Spacey.
2. National Promposal Day
When: March 11
Kids these days. Back in my youth, if you wanted to ask somebody to prom, you just ... asked them to prom. Maybe if you were feeling really sophisticated, you added a sentence about how "I think you're really cool" or something awkward like that before the big question – but that was it! Nowadays it's not a proper prom proposal (or *gags* promposal) unless you've filled your beau's Honda Civic – which is to say their parents' Honda Civic – to the bursting point with a rose pedals while booking Ed Sheeran to sing "Perfect" in the parking lot or paying Giannis to hold up a glowing sign on ESPN saying "Ashley, will you go to prom with me? Drew" mid-dunk.
Kids, it's a silly dance in a hotel ballroom where they typically host the breakfast buffet where you can't drink, you're wearing weird rented semi-washed clothes that'll be garishly out-of-style in three months and some annoying drama between dates will break out an hour into the night making everyone uncomfortable. I know it feels like the most important night of your life, but if prom ends up still holding that place in your memory ten years from now, then something went gravely wrong in your life, and your future friends will probably be very embarrassed by you.
It's just a dance. So just ask somebody to it. Don't pay NASA to literally rewrite the stars into a message for a guy you won't talk to four years from now. That's money you could use to pay off the first of your 742 college loan payments, instead.
3. National Worship of Tools Day
When: March 11
There's nothing wrong with a holiday dedicated to your tools, whether you're reorganizing them, cleaning them or making something new with them. There is something wrong, however, about naming it National Worship of Tools Day. Worship? We're appreciating our tools and using them, not creating an organized religion around our Dewalt bar clamp. National Worship of Tools Day doesn't make me think about digging my tools out from the closet and finally doing that job around the house that I've been putting off. It makes me think of some weirdo lighting some incense and candles around a shrine built to an oscillating multi-tool.
4. National Open an Umbrella Indoors Day
When: March 13
Openning an umbrella indoors is generally considered bad luck, but what this national day suggests is ... maybe it's not? You know, that's a risk I'm not willing to take. I don't need to open an umbrella indoors, walk outside and then get hit by a falling space toilet or something all to find out that, yep, turns out that's bad luck. Between a lung collapse, a blown appendix and a diet that most doctors call "disrespectful," I've tempted fate enough. I don't need to give it a helping hand.
5. National Everything You Think is Wrong Day
When: March 15
When I started this silly monthly article, I imagined the idea of a super secret society of people in creepy Illuminati robes, inventing bizarre days to celebrate Bunsen burners (March 31) or artichoke hearts (March 16), as a joke. But now that I know there's an ominous creation like National EVERYTHING YOU THINK IS WRONG Day, a holiday where "decision making should be avoided," where you should "contemplate our own lack of knowledge?" Well, now I'm not so sure it's just a gag. Maybe there is a Secret National Day Illuminati Society out there, controlling our lives and keeping us under their watchful, celebratory eye. And maybe this holiday is some clue to its eerie existence, like the all-seeing eye on the dollar bill. Now let's talk about the mail – can we talk about the mail? Please? Because I've been dying to talk about the mail with you all day.
6. National Everything You Do is Right Day
When: March 16
OK, so which one is it? Am I an idiot who knows nothing or an unflappable genius who can do no wrong? AND IS THERE EVEN A NATIONAL DAY CALENDAR WEBSITE?!
7. National Countdown Day
When: March 21
Fire up that Europe record; it's National Countdown Day! And speaking of Europe, you should definitely take this opportunity to watch some episodes of the British hit "Countdown" – or, better yet, "8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown," the chat show version of the game featuring Brit comedians putzing around with math and big words in the name of giggles and a goofy teapot.
Game shows from across the pond are so much better than ours.
8. National Goof Off Day
When: March 22
I am all for a day dedicated to goofing off, relaxing and, in the National Day Calendar's words, "doing something fun and leaving the work until tomorrow." There's just one problem: March 22 is a Friday – aka a work day. So unless you want to celebrate National Uncomfortable Talk With Your Boss day the following Monday, maybe save the goofing for after 5 p.m. Or just take the day off – after all, March Madness, a true national holiday, starts this week.
9. National Weed Appreciation Day
When: March 28
My apologies, but much like National Hemp Day in February, there is only one true National Weed Appreciation Day – and it's happening next month. But jokes aside, this holiday is meant for literally showing your appreciation for weeds – and I'm sorry, but unless I'm seven years old playing right field in little league baseball again, my days of appreciating dandelions are over. And doesn't the National Day Illuminati Society know that garlic mustard weeds are an invasive species!? Fine, I will appreciate weeds – by CRUSHING THEM UNDER MY FOOT.
10. National I Am in Control Day
When: March 30
OK, now I'm seriously getting freaked out. THE (not so) SECRET NATIONAL DAY ILLUMINATI SOCIETY SEES ALL! I, for one, welcome our festive fascist Big Brother overlords. Anyways, nothing says fun times and celebration like a holiday that sounds like the slogan for an evil dystopian government! (National I Am in Control Day is actually dedicated to helping organize your life and feel more in control of your chaos. OR MAYBE THAT'S JUST WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK. WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!)
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