The weirdest national days in the month of July
Ever feel like there's a random national celebration for every single day of the year, hashtagging its way across Twitter and giving publications excuses to list things? (*tips cap*) Well, that's because, according to the National Day Calendar website, there is pretty much a random holiday every day – and in many cases often a plethora of them packed into just one 24-hour period.
Some of them make sense. National Fried Chicken Day on July 6? I will celebrate the heck out of that. National Hire a Veteran Day on July 25? A noble cause if there ever was one. World Emoji Day on July 17? Sigh, I mean ... I guess. But some of them are just bonkers, either obviously contrived creations or merely evidence that the shady Illuminati society behind all these national days might have too much time on its hands.
Here are the 10 weirdest days you can technically celebrate in the month of July.
1. National Clerihew Day
When: July 10
Culture editor Matt Mueller
Wrote about random holidays as filler
But little did he know
That also his crappy poetry skills would show ... themselves
2. All American Pet Photo Day
When: July 11
Bought an expensive red, white and blue outfit for your teacup Yorkie for the Fourth of July, but now it's the July 5 and it'll be 364 days until he'll be able to wear it again? Well, do I have the random national holiday for you! Looking forward to seeing a lot of photos of adorable dogs wearing era-accurate Colonial soldier uniforms and tri-cornered hats, standing in an apple pie surrounded by sparklers, flags and murals of bald eagles and Tom Hanks.
3. National Nude Day
When: July 14
The National Day Calendar cites that Benjamin Franklin would stand by an open window and take "air baths" – a possible way to celebrate National Nude Day. Another idea for commemorating the special day: Not doing that. Keep your clothes on in public, everyone. No one likes just walking down a nice street and – boom! – surprise butt. Just because Ben Franklin was into it doesn't mean you should do it. Ol' Ben also thought it was a good idea to fly a kite during a storm.
4. National I Love Horses Day
When: July 15
Listen, if you're celebrating a random made-up holiday dedicated to horses, we can fairly assume that you love horses. The "I Love" part of this national day is redundant. Anyways, have fun watching "Equus" today, you horse-loving stallions of weirdness. Run wild and free, probably like this:
When horse girl energy goes unchecked pic.twitter.com/S3Etc2KaGs— What if Kane but too much? (@Kanebeef) July 3, 2019
5. National Wrong Way Corrigan Day
When: July 17
So here's a bizarre bit of history: According to the National Day Calendar website, stunt pilot Douglas Corrigan flew from California to New York, with the goal of replicating Charles Lindburgh's famed transatlantic flight. Just one problem: Officials wouldn't let him. So he packed up and flew back home to California ... except, as you may have guessed from the name of this holiday, he supposedly went the wrong way and landed in Ireland. So maybe those officials were right to try and keep this guy grounded.
So ... not exactly sure how one is supposed to celebrate National Wrong Way Corrigan Day – at least in a way that doesn't involve some sort of deadly vehicular mayhem. Maybe try getting to a destination without using your GPS? That could be "fun"?
6. Toss Away the "Could Haves" and "Should Haves" Day
When: July 20
Created by a motivational speaker – because of course this was invented by a motivational speaker – Toss Away the "Could Haves" and "Should Haves" Day (boy, that does NOT roll off the tongue) is dedicated to living in the present and forgetting the past. And to do that, you write down your past mistakes and regrets on a piece of paper and throw it away. SYMBOLISM! Seems like a waste of paper – and also who writes things on paper anymore? Can I just type it in my iPhone's Notes app and then click it in the trash? Fair, that doesn't seem as cathartic.
Anyways, the day before this is National Daiquiri Day, so I'll definitely be writing "I should have stopped drinking daiquiris somewhere around a dozen" and then tossing that note in the garbage. And then drinking another daiquiri.
7. National Junk Food Day
When: July 21
Every day is National Junk Food Day in the Mueller household – just ask my doctor, my dentist and my very concerned loved ones! If we're going to live in a society where Doritos Locos Tacos and cheesecake-topped alcoholic milkshakes spackled with candy exist, somebody has to eat them – and I nobly announce that I will be that somebody.
8. National Rat Catcher's Day
When: July 22
Much like chimney sweeps, I will always have a certain image of what a professional rat or dog catcher looks like. The technology has almost certainly progressed and improved, yet if you say "rat catcher" to me, I will always imagine some guy in dirty but formal garb and a top hat with a big long net and a little cage.
Anyways, I imagine the rat catchers out there getting really exciting about finally getting some credit for working such a thankless and often undesirable occupation – and then discovering it's actually a national holiday dedicated to plastic rat traps and catchers, not actual humans doing the job. Don't worry, exterminators; that's thankfully not the case ... BUT it is a holiday also celebrating the horrifying story of the kid-snatching Pied Piper, which feels like a weird way to pay tribute to a group of people. You don't celebrate National NASA Day by mentioning the story of the crazy diaper astronaut.
9. National Get Gnarly Day
When: July 26
But what of National Bodacious Day, Day of the Totally Tubular, International Buggin' Day and other holidays dedicated to '90s exclamations long since put out to pasture? WHEN WILL GETTING JIGGY HAVE ITS DAY BACK IN THE SUN!? Also, National Get Gnarly Day is dedicated to trying something new and thinking differently – which, after doing this column for an entire year now, I can confirm is the vague rationale for about 75 percent of the holidays on the National Day Calendar.
10. National Day of the Cowboy
When: July 27
National Day of the Cowboy is meant to celebrate the cowboy spirit and lifestyle, as well as the American West and the history of the frontier. But if there's I've learned watching "Deadwood" and all of the new Western movies coming out, plus playing "Red Dead Redemption 2," it's that I don't want to be anywhere near that era.
Disease running rampant with no ideas on how to cure them other than "drink this mercury." Absolutely no sense of health or hygiene. Dust and dirt just ... just everywhere. No law, just wild outlaw violence and "justice" in every saloon and dusty street. Bears just attacking out of nowhere because they're bears and you're a tasty man snack. Rocky horseback rides bombarding your underbits that take days. We went nuts as a collective nation when Facebook and Instagram went down this week; you think you could survive a world where you wait WEEKS for communication with others? It wasn't romantic and simpler back then; I'd much rather live having to constantly check my email regularly than having to constantly check that a cougar isn't going to pounce out of a bush to eat my face or worrying that if I prick myself with my rusty spurs, I'll contract strains of tetanus we don't even know about.
And that's just a sampler platter of the misery of the Old West. You know what, going to "Westworld" sounds awful. Nobody would go there in real life – and that's before the murder robots start literally axing the guests.
Anyways, happy National Day of the Cowboy. Yeehaw and such.
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