Blog entries for ItsMrLucky

Trade Mark Uranus!

ItsMrLucky — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 04:55:03 GMT

Saturday September 6th, 2008 - Lake Villa, IL

Big news today. I got word from the law firm I hired to help me with trade marking the whole Uranus concept that the actual search is complete and I now own the trade mark in the United States of America. I think that’s cause for celebration but I’m not sure exactly why and how. I do know that I took the time and invested in doing this process correctly.

I know this doesn’t mean I’m guaranteed money or success or anything other than now I need to defend myself if someone else tries to horn in on my idea. I’m sure that’ll totally happen if and when I start cranking out some money with this. Hot ideas get copied and it will happen if I can rattle some cages with this concept. This is preparing me for that war.

I really don’t want any wars though. All I want to do is create a business which will put me in a position to earn a fair and honest living and build up some sort of retirement fund. The business part of it is a necessary evil but my real joy will come from creating a funny line of products backed up with a funny advertising campaign. That’s my real focus here.

This whole thing has been a tremendous education and the fact is I haven’t really gotten started yet. I’m learning a lot about a lot of things and the more I know the more I know I don’t know but that keeps me wanting to know more and it’s drawing me in like an addict to heroin. When I do get my first hit product I’m sure I’ll be hooked on mail order for life.

I’ve been studying the mail order business but I need to take some action now. It’s time to put down the books and pick up the phone and call someone who can start making the products I can use to evolve this from thought into reality. I’m very close and it’s a thrill.

This week has been very good in that I’m making some correct even if difficult choices. I’ve been making time every day to exercise for at least 30 minutes if not longer and right now that only consists of taking walks but I’m using the time I walk to think about all of these things I’m working on and even though it’s only been six days I feel better already.

I’m eating fruits and vegetables on purpose and drinking as much water as I can and it’s making a difference in how I feel. I’ve done this before and it’s lasted a week or two and I start eating bloody rare red meat again but this time I feel like I’m on a roll and I’ll keep it going. I’m really determined to make this work and change my life to how I want it to be.

There is a big cork board on my wall and I had a few goals thumb tacked to it but I took them all down and am starting over again. I’m going to make a list of my best contacts for each project and make separate notes of what I need to do and who I need to contact for it to get going and then DO that. This is a constant process but I feel like I’m starting to roll.

The main thing I’m feeling is how much pure fun this whole thing is on every level. I’m building something from the ground up from a single idea and that’s always been my very favorite thing to do in life. I went into my bank today and the teller saw my ’URANUS 1’ license plate and cracked up and showed everyone else. I’m on the right track with this.

Ken Swann And Dave Rickert

ItsMrLucky — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 06:08:54 GMT

Friday September 5th, 2008 - Lake Villa, IL
Good news and bad news today. I’ll start with the bad to get it out of the way. I received word that a Chicago comedian named Ken Swann passed away unexpectedly. I knew Ken for years but like most comics we only knew each other on a comedy level. I never did get to know him beyond just being friendly in the clubs but he was always a pleasant person.

Comedy friendships are very different than whatever ‘normal’ work friendships are. We are nomadic road creatures and many times we are forced to be roommates for a period of time usually a few days to a week or so in a strange place and then we may not do it again or see each other for months, years, or ever again. Usually it’s a completely random draw.

Sometimes it works great and lifelong friendships are formed. Sometimes it works very well and there may not be a close friendship formed but whenever the two who had a time together meet up they refer back to it years later. I’ve got hundreds of comedians like that.

An example of what I mean is a guy named Billy Gardell. Billy has been on a lot of TV shows as an actor and a comic and he’s a big loud guy from Pittsburgh that is absolutely a sweetheart of a human being. Everyone loves him and he just has a way to make anybody feel good. His act really doesn’t matter because everyone loves Billy as a person. I do too.

We worked together in Miami years ago and I had a rental car and he didn’t. It’s a polite gesture to share in that situation and I usually am very good about it. We were trapped for a couple of days between shows and we’d discovered a great pizza joint in one direction of where we were staying and a fantastic bakery the other. We were regulars at them both.

We’d get lost at first and a left turn became a ‘pizza’ and a right turn became a ‘donuts’. I know it’s completely stupid but at the time it was very funny. Now whenever I run into Billy he says ‘Hey, which way is that - pizza or donuts?’ That was a dozen years ago now.

Ken Swann and I never did any road work together but we crossed paths in Chicago and got along very well. He wasn’t necessarily the most dynamic guy on stage but he did have the ability to keep getting booked so that says something. It would be like the equivalent of a utility infielder in baseball. He isn’t a star but it still took ability to make the majors.

I have never heard a bad word about Ken from anyone. He was one of those guys unlike me who never pissed anyone off. I am the first one to admit that I have done that and still do but there’s also an opposite camp that love me to the death. Ken was not a polarizer. It still saddens me to hear about it and I know he was married so that makes it even worse.

If there are services I will definitely go out of respect to a guy who gave his life making others laugh. The more I see the world flip out the more precious I think comedians really are. I know how difficult it is to last in the business for years and all the insanity that goes on and I have more respect on a daily basis for anyone who can put up with it for any kind of tenure. Most of us started comedy very young so when one of us dies it’s a big shocker.

The good news was getting an email completely out of the blue from a guy named Dave Rickert from Milwaukee. Dave is a great guy and used to do comedy for a short time back in the ‘80s when I was starting. That was the comedy boom and a lot of people got in on it then and rode the wave. Some lasted longer than others and it was a very exciting time.

Most people who get into any kind of creative or competitive entity don’t do it for their entire lives. There are many reasons for that and not all of them are bad ones. Comedy has it’s way of weeding people out and only the diehards last the distance. I’m totally a ‘lifer‘.

Dave Rickert was never going to be one of those but that doesn’t mean we didn’t have a lot of fun performing together because we did. We were even part of a group that put on a few shows and we called ourselves ‘Producers 4’. Stupid name - yes. Successful? No. But I remember it like it was yesterday because all of us then were so young and enthusiastic.

Like I just explained we just kind of drifted apart over the years. It was funny how when he started his email he wrote ‘Hey, I don’t know if you remember me…’ Of COURSE I’d remembered a guy like that. It wasn’t just for his comedy either. I knew his family also.

Dave came from a big family and his parents were some of the nicest people I’ve EVER met. Both of them were college educated and hard working and I’m glad they had a lot of kids because those kids were in good hands. Dave wasn’t a dented can. He had some love and that has helped him carve out a successful life and I’m very glad to be back in touch.

I remember one Christmas the Rickerts invited me over for dinner. It was so nice of the family to include me but it made me feel so much worse because I saw what a real family is supposed to be like and I knew I’d gotten screwed. Still, I never forgot how kind it was of them to have me over and I still don’t. I hope I get a chance to say thank you in person.

One of the funniest memories I have was Dave’s mom who is a gentle and kind lady get me alone in the corner and whisper to me ‘PLEASE don’t let David pursue this very long. This isn’t what he needs to be doing with his life.’ She knew I was a lifer and hoped that I would somehow talk him out of it. I knew she was doing it out of love but it’s still funny.

Dave did great for himself. He was a firefighter for a while and even when he moved on from comedy we still stayed in touch for a while but eventually our lives just started to go in different directions. Nobody was at fault and I’m not angry about it at all. I am thrilled to hear from him again and I look forward to getting together and renewing a friendship.

From his email Dave told me he’s a dad now and has a wife and three kids and is doing all the things I really wanted for my own life but I don’t think that will ever happen now. I made my choices and the fates dealt their cards and all of that has lead me to where I am.

I’m sad to hear about Ken Swann but happy to hear from Dave Rickert. Life is all about ups and downs and in my world many times they come on the same day. I didn’t expect to have any of this cross my path today so again I never know what to expect in this world.

Thrilla In The Villa

ItsMrLucky — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 09:18:21 GMT

Thursday September 4th, 2008 - Lake Villa, IL

Home is where the heart is. To me it’s where the comedy show is and tonight it was in my neighborhood. The Blackthorn Grille in Lake Villa, IL tried a live comedy show and I was the host. I lined up six other comedians and together we gave them a fantastic show.

The problem is only about half of the people there were quiet enough to hear it. This is a bar/restaurant and tonight it was more bar than restaurant. We had a lot of things going against us like bad weather which cancelled a scheduled car show and a wine tasting party for a singles club that brought about 50 people who were very chatty for the whole show.

This was not easy at all. It’s too bad because the manager Eric Feldman couldn’t be any nicer. He loves entertainment and has been around theatre and it shows. He treated us all very well and those are the kind of people anyone would love to work with. He wants the shows to continue every Thursday but we couldn’t keep bringing in hot shows like this.

Ken Sevara from Jerry’s Kidders drove all the way from the far south side to do it and it took him over two hours to get there. Steve DeClark drove down from Milwaukee and so did my former student Russ Martin. That was very nice of both of them. Russ is like a kid and even though he started comedy late in life he loves it and I love to see his enthusiasm.

J.T. Newton lives out in the sticks even farther than me and he showed up as did Mike Preston who lives in Crystal Lake and Scot Wickmann who lives near Jim McHugh and it escapes me exactly where they live but it took a while to get out here. They all kicked ass.

I don’t think anyone but us knew exactly how difficult it was to pull off a show like this but we did and everyone in management and staff was thrilled with us. I don’t know how this will develop or how long it will last but it’s close to my house so I’ll keep working it.

One of my former students Mike Land came out and that was super nice of him to show up. He gets up at 5am but he still made time to come out because he wanted to support us. Thoughtful people like that are why I’ve taught my classes as long as I have. Enough said. I don’t want to go off on any more tangents on the dark side. That’s not very productive.

What was productive was me getting up early today and going straight to the DMV and registering my new old Toyota. I was there so early there were no lines and I actually had to fill out my paperwork at the desk because they called my number so quickly. Amazing!

That alone was worth noting because I don’t think it’s ever happened before. I was very surprised to see nobody there and it felt like heaven to be in and out of there in minutes to head over to the auction to drop off the Honda so they can run it through next Saturday.

Then I went to the Gurnee Mills mall and again took a nice long power walk. I’m doing it every day and striving to make it a habit. I’m only four days in and can’t get cocky but I am making a conscious effort to get exercise and eat better. Slowly I make my life better.

Auction Action...Again

ItsMrLucky — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 04:59:36 GMT

Wednesday September 3rd, 2008 - Waukegan, IL
It was the 3rd of September….a day I’ll always remember…‘cause that was the day… that my Honda died. Actually it didn’t die but I wanted to make the joke about the song lyrics. Just when I thought my car situation was stable I took another trip to the auction.

My little inner voice was calling me and I’ve been listening to it whenever I can lately. Usually when I do that good things follow and today was no exception. I found a fantastic deal on a SUPER clean Toyota Camry and I bought it. Well, I charged it. I used to have a slush fund but my dentist now has that. This was too sweet a deal though. I had to do it.

It had all the markings of the great deals I’ve gotten before. It is a one owner title and it wasn’t listed on the website auction list. They must have just gotten it in and slipped it in for tonight’s auction. Wednesdays are usually a little slower and I was able to snap it up.

I had NO plans at all to go to the auction today but I was out buying the mike and stand for the comedy show at the restaurant near my house tomorrow night when I felt the urge to go to the auction in Waukegan for some reason. I thought it was weird but I still did it.

There is a $200 auction fee to even look at the cars but it’s refundable if no purchase is made. I took a lap and saw the Toyota and immediately knew it was for me. I wish I had a better explanation on how I knew all this but I really did. I sat in it and started it up and it just screamed out to me that I needed to buy it. I’ve had that exact same feeling before.

I had it when I bought this Honda I’m driving now. This was also a one owner title with low miles and it had my name on it. I knew I’d get it and I did. It’s been super reliable but my friend Max’s wife took out the passenger’s side with her van and crunched it up pretty good. It’s still runs fine but I didn’t want to have it fixed because it’s not worth it to me.

There were a few patches of surface rust and it’s a ‘94 so why put money into it? Max’s wife didn’t do it on purpose and she felt horrible about it so I wasn’t going to drag in the insurance company on it and make their rates go up. I could have but I cut them a break.

I’m glad I did because that car still more than served it’s purpose. I put 37,000 trouble free miles on it and all I stuck in it was a brake job and tires. It still purrs and I just took it on the road to Dallas and Arkansas two weeks ago. I’ll turn around and run it through the auction again and I know someone will snap it up even with the dents. It’s a great runner.

The Honda was clean when I bought it but this Toyota is IMMACULATE. It’s rust free and dent free and someone really took care of it. It’s got 150,000 miles on it but it doesn’t look like it at all. The Honda has 154,000 now - with dents. This is an upgrade so I did it.

Having a reliable car is a great feeling. I’ve never heard of anyone getting stung buying a Toyota Camry and if I do I’ll have a great story. I would have kept the Honda but this is going to be much better for the long run. I plan to keep it for a really long time. Really.

The rest of the day was a bit too bumpy for me. I am becoming the King of Distractions rather than the King of Uranus. I planned on contacting all the bookers I made a list to get to yesterday but things ‘just got away’. Again. Whether those ‘things’ are legit or not I’m still off track of where I want to be. This has gone on for years now and I’m still doing it.

My emails are piling up and so are phone calls and I’m glad I did laundry and got all of that out of the way. I feel like a plate spinner running around on stage while all my sticks are wobbling and I don’t know which ones to get going again. It’s hard to get a grip on it.

I’m still glad I bought the car though. That will pay off in the long run. I’ll get rid of all my other tin cans and then make sure the new one is running and hopefully that won’t be an issue for a long time. There’s enough other stuff to keep me occupied during my days.

One of them is the show tomorrow night at a place called The Blackthorn Grille. It’s in Lake Villa and about a three block walk from where I live. They want to try comedy for a night and see how it works and I am the host of the show and have lined up other comics.

My dream has never been to run or book shows but this is worth it since it’s so close to me. They want to run open mike comedy on Thursdays and I will gladly host it if I am in town. It will be a chance for my students to get some stage time and I can polish new bits.

I did receive a call from my friend Joey Callahan in Philadelphia that really cheered me up. He called before I went to the auction and I was in a pissy mood because the situation with my ex business partner and his two imps just will NOT go away. They are stealing a part of my soul by trying to do classes at other clubs and they are getting on my last nerve.

Those classes are like my children. Having them taken from me makes me angry and it hurts. I’ve nurtured them and raised them up from nothing and poured my heart and soul and everything I have into them and to see this happen stings to my deepest inner core. It hurts even worse to have it done by three evil stooges who I once thought were friends.

I am very very careful with how I use the word ‘hate’ because I think it’s a strong word. I tell my students to use it sparingly and I try to also but these terdwinkles are getting me as close to it as I think I’ve ever been. I feel an inner rage toward all of them because they are willingly and knowingly stealing something I have worked my whole life to perfect.

If I see any one of those three goof bags I can’t guarantee I won’t pick up a baseball bat and use their pumpkin heads for batting practice like DeNiro did in ‘The Untouchables‘. I really have never been a violent guy but this is raw and ugly and it pushes all my buttons.

Joey is one guy who can calm me down. He’s from Philly and has a tough exterior but I have always seen his inner soft side. He’s a true comic and a wonderful soul and he calms me down with sage wisdom when I really need it. Today was a day I really needed it and I was thrilled to hear his voice. He gets it. He teaches his own classes in Philly but that’s ok because HE’S A REAL COMIC. Not like these other twerps who just want easy money.

It Came From Uranus

ItsMrLucky — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 16:17:33 GMT

Tuesday September 2nd, 2008 - Chicago, IL/Milwaukee, WI
Sometimes I think I have too much freedom. It’s easy to get sidetracked and not get any work done at all and there’s nobody there to reel me in and get me back on track. I have a tendency to wander all over the place and I did today. It wasn’t bad but I need to watch it.

If I’m going to move ahead I need to be on at least some sort of a schedule. Eating when I’m hungry and sleeping when I’m tired is how I’ve gotten accustomed to living but now I need to modify that somewhat. If I’m going to make things happen I have to plan for that.

Today I needed to get my mail in Chicago so I planned out how to make the most of it. I didn’t want to waste the whole day with one trip so I tried to be smart about it. My friend Marc Schultz called and wanted to have lunch and I said yes because I was already on my way into town. I am trying to start eating better so we went to a place that had big salads.

It feels good to know that at least in my mind I’m trying to improve my health and I ate very well all day today. I had a big salad with nothing else and a big glass of water. That’s not going to undo all the junk I’ve been eating for years and years but it’s a start. I’m sure my colon is packed tighter than Dolly Parton’s bra and I need to back off on the red meat.

One thing at a time one step at a time one day at a time. I got my mail and since I was in the city at the right time I called Jerry Agar and picked him up at WLS. We are planning a live one year anniversary show at Zanies in November with the Kidders and we needed to hammer out the details anyway so that was productive on many levels. I’m getting better.

I planned on going back home and getting back to work but my cousin Brett called and I ended up driving to Milwaukee to hang out. We don’t get that much time to hang out so it was worth it. He makes me laugh and he’s very smart so I used him as a sounding board.

Brett has been around for all of my wacked out projects in my life. He was there when I bought the wrestling ring and ran my first show and he used to travel with me when I first started out on the road so he understands my mindset with the Uranus Factory Outlet idea.

I don’t want to say this was a wasted day but I did get distracted from what I thought I’d be doing. I expected to get my mail and even to see Marc but then I thought of Jerry and it spiraled out from there. I had no plans to go to Milwaukee today but then Brett called so I went with it. It’s always fun to see him and I’m glad I went but now I’m off my schedule.

On my way home I passed Gurnee Mills and took my half hour walk. ‘Tropic Thunder‘ was playing at the theatre so I decided to see it. I‘d heard about it and since I already blew the day I figured I‘d check it out. I have never really formed an opinion about Ben Stiller.

Not until tonight. I thought it was the funniest movie I’ve seen in a long time. All of the actors were great and Ben Stiller directed it too. Kudos to him. Much respect and I‘m glad I took time to go. I hope I can make a movie that funny someday. ‘It Came From Uranus’.

A Labor (Day) Of Love

ItsMrLucky — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 06:36:53 GMT

Monday September 1st, 2008 - Lake Villa, IL
Today is the one year anniversary of my big epiphany out in Salt Lake City to begin my Uranus Factory Outlet concept. A lot has happened since then but unfortunately not quite enough. I’ve been drifting in and out and haven‘t been on top of it like I should be and it‘s nobody‘s fault but mine. I‘ve had a lot of real life distractions but I refuse to let this die.

It’s easy to make excuses but I’m not going to do that. I know I’m not the first person to let a project get dusty and every day I leave it alone it hurts that much more. Today was a perfect day to dust it off and start up again and that’s what I did. This is my life’s passion.

The reason it’s so important to me is that it’s in all likelihood my only real chance to get a taste of everything I dreamed of. If I do this right I’ll get on TV and radio and be right in the thick of things both in comedy and in business too. I’m setting myself up for success.

I’m the one pulling the strings here rather than trying to wait in line and get someone in New York or L.A. to discover me at 2am in a comedy club. I’m too old for that now so to take another way is a much better plan. I’m betting on myself and now I have to prove it.

All kinds of lumps have happened in the year since this idea came to me but I can’t help any of that now. I had dental bills and pain and cars blow up and I made some not so great financial choices but all of that is in the past now. I started over with a fresh slate today.

I tried to look over the big picture today and I definitely have my plate full. I love to test my brain with things like crossword puzzles and the game Free Cell and this uses the very same part of the brain those things do. It’s problem solving and constant thinking of what to do next and I’ve learned to enjoy that process. I’m glad because I’ll be doing a lot of it.

Today was my first day to immerse myself in this mindset and I did pretty well but until I can make a habit of it it’s just another day. I’ve let a lot of things lapse and one day will not make up for that even if I did make good use of it. I’ve got a LONG way to go here.

The good things I did were small but in the right direction. I got up and took a half hour walk to get my head started thinking. I mailed out a CD to a fan who loves the Kidders on WLS so that was productive and then I came back home and started planning my future.

I’ve always found the best way to get moving for me is to dump everything in piles and then start sorting them out so that’s what I did. I hadn’t done that in way too long and I’d fallen behind. I spent a few hours getting caught up and I feel a whole lot better about it.

I didn’t finish it and I didn’t expect to but I did uncover some books and notes and ideas I had forgotten about and now I feel like I’ve restarted myself on the correct path. I took a whole day to sort and sift and think and plan and dream and I realize I have a challenge to face with all this. Odds are against me and I actually kind of like that. I want to pull it off despite the hand I’ve been dealt in life and that will be the sweetest success of them all.

There will be a lot of different facets to this project as a whole and one is not any more important than another but if I let one lapse the whole thing will come crashing down. It’s a house of cards right now and I am starting from absolute zero so I can build it my way.

The first thing I have to do is believe I can do it and I totally do. I have too many books and audio programs about positive thinking to get to them all but I do intend to immerse myself in as much good quality food for thought as I can. I found my copy of ‘The Secret’ today and will watch that in the next day or two to reignite that part of my inner thinking.

I’ve also got to educate myself about business and all that goes with it. It’s never been a strength but that doesn’t matter. If I am going to be a millionaire I have to understand the inner workings of how business works including taxes. I want to be a master of all of this.

People are also important. I looked over my contact list today and there’s no way I’ll be able to please everyone so I scanned it and will pick the precious few that I feel can be of help at this point. I need to connect and reconnect and make a team of players to help me get started. I made an initial list of the top 50 people to get me going but that’s a starter.

I also need to come up with a top 50 list of media people and bookers and work that list. I have limited time and resources right now so focus is very important. Wasting time isn’t a luxury I can afford right now so I’ll cut as much of it out as I can. I have to operate lean.

All of this really excites me and if everyone else thinks I’m crazy I really don’t care. I’m the only one I have to please and this totally does it. I don’t deny I’m crazy either but who said that’s a bad thing? I think everyone who ever succeeded in business was a tad nutty.

I’m not worried about any of that now. I want to make this work and actually BECOME ‘The King Of Uranus’. It’s such a stupid goofy gimmick I am falling in love with it. I can tell I’ve got a great concept here just like George Clinton knew when he came up with his ‘One Nation Under A Groove’ album in the ‘70s. That was the band’s height of success.

I read an article where George said he knew he had a great concept so that let him focus on making it a quality product. I feel the same way with what I’m doing. I know I have an outstanding concept and now I need to execute it correctly and make it pay off in money.

There are a lot of directions this thing can go and I am still not sure exactly what I plan to do with it but I do know I’m smart enough to go with the flow. I’m starting out with an idea to sell funny things of all kinds through mail order via website but that could evolve.

The main thing I’m doing is selling FUNNY. I’ve done it as a comedian all these years but this has the potential of being much more lucrative. Selling myself as an act to a club for a week has sustained me for years and may continue for a while but I know I can do a whole lot better with this process. All I need is a few hits that resonate with people and it means not having to drive hundreds of miles to have some dirty opener go up in front of me and describe his grandmother’s genitals. I’m on my way! I am the King of Uranus!!

Preparing For A Change

ItsMrLucky — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 20:12:33 GMT

Sunday August 31st, 2008 - Kenosha, WI/Lake Villa, IL
Part of me feels very concerned for the people in Hurricane Gustav’s path but I have to admit another part of me doesn’t at all. One word and one word only pops into my head - MOVE. You’re right in hurricane alley and you’re surprised when another one shows up?

New Orleans and all that goes with it has never been a place I enjoyed but that doesn’t mean I wish ill on anyone as I certainly don’t. But I have to believe at some point there’s a voice that says ‘Hey, I like jambalaya and voodoo and all but it’s time to head north.’

Why do those people stay there? I guess it’s their home and there’s a comfort zone even if it’s interrupted every year by the threat of total destruction and devastation. My world is not much different as a comedian. I chose to live my life in a similar situation in that it all can be wiped out quickly and with little warning and that’s exactly what happened. A lot.

My choice to delve into radio had a lot to do with that but for whatever reason I haven’t moved out of the path of harm’s way. I guess I like the feeling of living on the edge but to keep doing it is tempting the fates. I need to rework my life plan and build some security.

In my 20s I could afford to drift around a little and take some chances and that’s exactly what I did. I got a lot of experience and had some great adventures but now that isn’t how I need to be living my life. I can feel myself getting older and I don’t have the same needs anymore. I’ve seen the country many times but now I want to build my financial future.

I spent today preparing to make the change. I got my oil changed and car washed and it felt good to take care of that. At least one facet of my life is functioning well. For now. If it blows up tomorrow I’ll deal with it but I don’t think so. The old Honda is holding up.

I also got a haircut and did my laundry and that felt great too. Little things that could be a distraction many times ARE a distraction so I took a few of them off the radar today so I can plow ahead with what I really need to do. I need a total reworking of my life’s path.

Comedy will always be a part of that but not how I’ve been doing it. There needs to be a better plan in place and I need to work that plan. Getting on TV and working better places is a big part of that and also making sure I keep in contact with those who can be of help.

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of having my Uranus Factory Outlet epiphany. It has not developed like I planned and there’s only one reason for that. ME. I know that’s a winner and I have done some work on it but not nearly what’s needed to bring it to life. If I put myself into it with all my heart, soul and energy I’ll see a lot more results next year.

We had a very good Mothership Connection radio show in Kenosha tonight. My partner Scott found the Wisconsin Paranormal Investigators and we had them live in studio. They were excellent and their leader happens to be a printer and said he can help with what I’m looking to create for the Uranus Factory Outlet business. This is what I need to be doing.

Enemies And Enemas

ItsMrLucky — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 04:51:56 GMT

Saturday August 30th, 2008 - Lake Villa, IL
Nothing much going on this weekend and that’s ok with me. I did my shows early in the week and I suppose I could have booked something this weekend but I just didn’t feel like it. I know that isn’t the way to find real success so it was better to take the weekend off.

I did some serious reflecting today and thought a lot about a lot of things. I feel like I’m more of an outsider now than ever before and I’ve always felt that way even as a kid. I am in my own world and my ups and downs don’t seem to coincide with those of the masses.

I feel unimportant and insignificant and I wonder why I’m even here at all. I thought for a while I had a purpose but now I’m not sure. I used to hear how ‘God has a plan for your life’ but I think that’s a pile of pony poo. Not unless God wanted me to live like a hobo.

After all these years of searching and trying to find my way I feel like I’m drifting along with no rudder on my boat and I’m starting to get seasick. Doing what I’m doing isn’t any closer to a payoff now than when I started. It feels like I’m running around in a big circle.

I started to think about all the people I’ve crossed paths with over the years. There have been quite a few from all walks of life and they’ve gone in all different directions. People like Frank Caliendo started after me in show business and hit the big time while others on the list started before me and I blew them out of the water by comparison. It’s individual.

Some people have become cherished friends but others have become enemies. That’s an ugly side of life I’ve never understood. I really don’t look to make enemies but I’ve had a tendency to clash with a certain few in my time. I don’t want it to be personal or last long but that’s usually what happens. I’m the kind of person that polarizes and that’s how it is.

The opener from this week is an example. I can tell he’s angry and I could sense a bit of tension even before our shows. Something doesn’t match and I have learned to not fight it when that happens. I prefer to just avoid that person rather than make it ugly for us both.

I guess my sister must think that of me. She still has the red ass for me fifteen years out. I don’t claim to be perfect but I did try to at least make it right with her and I don’t want a feud with the comic guy or anyone else either. We may not agree but I don’t want a fight.

Life is too short for that. There’s a sportswriter in Chicago named Jay Mariotti who had more enemies than friends from all accounts and he quit his job this week and had a lot of his former coworkers blast him from all sides. That’s exactly what I do NOT want to be.

I guess nobody goes through life without enemies or at least critics so I’m going to look for those who mesh with me and not focus on the clashes. I have already had so many big disappointments in my life that I feel like I’m already dead. Anything good I do now is an unexpected bonus. I’m never going to be whatever I thought ‘normal’ is so that dream is a thing of the past. I have what I have to work with and now it’s up to me to create success.

Reinventing My Wheelhouse

ItsMrLucky — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 03:55:57 GMT

Friday August 29th, 2008 - Lake Villa, IL

Time for a reinvention. Madonna does it every few years and she usually nails it. I have been pretty much the same thing for most of my adult life and haven’t nailed anything yet so this is as good a time as any to make a change. What I’m doing isn’t making me rich.

Last night in Rockford was a real pisser. The agony of having to stand there in front of a small crowd who didn’t care if I was living or dead really wasn’t fun. I was a whore just there for money and that’s never why I got into this in the first place. I like the process of being a comedian and developing an act and a persona but none of that mattered at all.

I got an email from the opening act saying he read what I said and wasn’t thrilled about it. That’s fine, that’s why I didn’t include his name. I didn’t mean anything personal by it but his act is absolutely WAY over the line and disgustingly vulgar. I’ve been doing this far too long to have to go up after that kind of filth and I’m not going to take it anymore.

If he takes it personally that’s up to him. I’m sure I’ll see him again at some point and I won’t pussyfoot around but I won’t look for a confrontation either. That’s not what I was looking to do when I wrote what I wrote. I wanted to explain to younger comics who read this that working blue is NEVER the right way to do things especially in the opener slot.

Maybe what I said was taken as harsh and I didn’t mean that at all. I went back and saw what I wrote and it said I ‘wasn’t fond of him’. That’s not really what I meant. I get along OK off stage but I really wasn’t fond of his choice of material to go up in front of me. If I miscommunicated that I sincerely apologize but I’m not sorry for defending my position.

In a way this whole thing was my fault for taking this run anyway. I did it for the money and didn’t think to ask who the opener was. Last week I had a guy who was really great to work with. He was older than me just like this week’s guy was but last week he got it and we had no problems. It’s really not my job to train newbies but I do try to offer some tips.

This is not the business it was when I started and I’m not excited about the direction it’s headed. I can either stay with it and be miserable like I am now or change my course. I am choosing to change my course even if that means joining the Peace Corps or finding a day job for a while to support myself while I find what it is that can help me find satisfaction.

It used to be really satisfying to go up and blow a room of strangers away but now that’s usually not the task at hand. A lot of times it’s babysitting drunks or having to shovel up a mound of wreckage any number of horrendous opening acts leave for me to deal with. It’s a constant grind and it would be a lot easier if I could have a little more say in all of this.

Booking rooms is not what I want to do but working with a set group of professionals is going to be higher on my list after this than it’s been in the past. I need to find a new way to channel my energy and make a living other than standing in a rock bar in front of a few people who don’t really care if I’m there or not. I’ve done it for too long and it‘s futile.

I’m up to my saturation point with a lot of things lately. Maybe it’s a midlife crisis and I need to get a Corvette and a stripper girlfriend like most normal guys my age are probably doing but I know that wouldn‘t satisfy my inner desire. I need my creative itch scratched.

The times I’ve been happiest in my life were when I was able to create something out of nothing. I still say my first pro wrestling show was THE most satisfying moment I’ve had in my entire life. I started with an idea and brought it to life and that was better than either the Packers winning the Super Bowl or sex. Or both. Together. I love to give ideas life.

Seeing my comedy class graduation shows have been right up there as well. Watching a group of people come from absolute ground zero in their experience and knowledge to go up and get laughs in a packed room of people is a thrill on many levels. I love to see them get the laughs but also I love the look of pure glee on their faces after the show is over.

Unfortunately these things haven’t put a whole lot of money in my pocket. Wrestling is long out of my life and no longer an option but comedy classes might be a way to get my creative juices stirred and make some money too. I need to take it to a place where people can pay for it and that’s probably in a corporate environment but I think I could do that.

The principles of comedy are the same whether I’m teaching in a comedy club or in the training room at a big company. People are basically people and I’ve got years of training in both comedy and teaching. I will have to start completely over and reinvent that also.

I guess this is just my time in life to do that. Whatever I’ve done in the past has brought me to exactly here and I don’t really like where I am so it’s time for a change. I can’t have as vague a definition as Barack Obama does about what that change is however. I need an exact focused well thought out detailed plan of action and I need to execute it every day.

My problem is I’m always too distracted by things around me and I continue to let it get into my field of vision. That’s on me and I need to improve dramatically. Now. This is an unstable time for most everyone and things are changing all over the place. Now I need to find my niche in all of this and grow whatever that is into my financial and creative base.

I’m backed into a corner and I don’t have many options left. I went up to Milwaukee to get a copy of my grandmother’s will today. My cousin Brett asked me to get a copy so he could see the details of how money was doled out. He was supposedly in for a half share of her house but that never came through. His father and my father stuck it to both of us.

I am going to let all that pass. If I dwell on it I’ll go crazier than I already am. Going up to Milwaukee was a big mistake today because of the Harley Davidson 105th Anniversary. Hundreds of thousands of Harleys are there and that’s like holy water to Dracula for me.

Every time I hear that sound I think of my father and his maggoty bunch of losers and I want to swerve my car over and take them all out. That’s not what I need to think so I will stay away from Milwaukee until it all blows over. I’ve got enough other stuff to work on.

Return To Rockford

ItsMrLucky — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 05:27:35 GMT

Thursday August 28th, 2008 - Rockford, IL
Back in Rockford again only this time someone was expecting me. I was going to drive home from Decatur last night but then I asked myself why and couldn’t come up with any good answers so I stayed and used my hotel room. I’ve had enough drives lately thanks.

There’s no hotel for the Rockford gig anymore so I stayed as late as I could at the hotel and then took a leisurely trip up US 51 to I-39 and listened to Steve Martin’s audio book ‘Born Standing Up’ which was about his comedy career. I had read the book but this was a treat because he actually read it and it really flowed well. I enjoyed it all over again.

His father and he had a tumultuous relationship and one of the lines he said that stuck to me was ‘I’m qualified to be a comedian.’ I am too. The dents in my can are both deep and plentiful and so far this has been the only thing I’ve been able to find that eases the pain. I know I’m not alone and hearing of Steve Martin’s father/son pain made me feel for him.

Getting to Rockford was a breeze because I was immersed in the audio program most of the way and it made the time fly. I was still early for the show so I stopped at the studio of WXRX to hang out with my radio friends Jim Stone and his partner named ‘Double T’.

It turns out they were at the Rockford River Hawks baseball game so I went over to join them on the air for a while. They let me come on when I want and that’s always a blast. If Bob and Tom would give me as much of a push as Stone and Double T I’d be a huge star.

There were a bunch of other guests on the show today along with me. I didn’t tell them I was coming but they put me on anyway and that was very classy. One of the other guests was Rick Neilsen’s son from Cheap Trick. He sang a few songs and was very good and a nice guy too. I love hanging out on fun radio shows and this is another one I really enjoy.

To make the whole trip worth it the guys let me throw out the first pitch at the game. I’d never done that before and it was a fantastic experience. I walked out to the mound when they told me to and they announced my name and I could see the crowd gawk at me but it was still fun to wind up and let one rip. I didn’t bounce it and the crowd popped nicely.

I shook hands with the catcher and he gave me the ball and I waved and walked off with a huge smile on my face. That was one of the most unexpected fun things I’ve done in my life and if I never get to do it again I still really enjoyed it. It was the highlight of my day.

The lowlight was going to do the show at LT’s. There was an extra small crowd tonight because of baseball, Obama’s speech, the Bears game, the Packer game and Styx had a big show in town. I was lucky anyone was left over to see comedy at all. It was a bad night.

The opener was just as filthy today as yesterday but I didn’t even bring it up. I shut my mouth and just ignored it. Hopefully I won’t have to work with him for a long time but if I do I can see it will be an issue. I hope I can avoid it. I’ve got important things to get to.

Dirty In Decatur

ItsMrLucky — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 06:10:13 GMT

Wednesday August 27th, 2008 – Decatur, IL

Decatur, IL – take TWO. I walked up to the desk clerk at the hotel and said ‘Let’s try to do this again.’ We both laughed and I checked in and then went to the sports bar to check in with the person in charge there. I confirmed I was indeed where I needed to be tonight.

I also learned I’d be working with an opening act I’m not fond of. I saw his picture next to mine on the wall and winced. I’m not going to mention his name because I really don’t want to build any more tension between us than there already is. We’ve clashed before.

His act is absolutely FILTHY. Period. I don’t want to have to follow that and neither do most headliners who work decent venues because it drags the audience into the toilet and doesn’t do anyone any good. If a headliner chooses to go in that direction it’s a choice the headliner should be allowed to make. An opener should NEVER set that kind of a tone.

I am about as far from a prude as can be. I grew up around foul mouthed bikers and that kind of language doesn’t shock or offend me at all but I absolutely do not want anyone on stage in front of me to use it because it burns out an audience in a hurry. This guy doesn’t get that and thinks he’s ‘blowing me off the stage’ when in fact he’s blowing his career.

The problem is most bookers don’t really care who is matched up on shows. They’ll fill spots like putting pegs in holes and not think twice about who’s opening for whom and if it is a good fit or not. This particular match is a bad one and it bothers me to have to still deal with this kind of stuff all these years into the business. I’d rather bring my own act.

More than one booker has told me over the years ‘I put the questionable acts with you. I know you can follow anything.’ Gee, thanks a lot. I guess it’s nice to hear that but having to follow a mismatched opener doesn’t do me or the whole show any good. It’s annoying.

The worst kind of act to follow is a dirty one and this guy is right in the gutter. He uses ‘the words’ but also the content is graphic and disgusting and together it makes following it extremely difficult. I’ve tried to tell him before in a nice way and he just doesn’t get it.

What’s funny to me is that his promo says a line like ‘it doesn’t have to be filthy to be funny’ but he’s one of the worst offenders I’ve seen in a long time. He should listen to his own claim and follow up on it. It takes a whole lot to make me cringe but he surely did it.

I don’t want any personal jags with the guy and if I had my way he and I wouldn’t ever be booked on the same show but that’s just not realistic at this time. I try to be cordial but I can feel a tension between us and I’m just not up for that at this stage of my life. He’s a few years older than me and started late in comedy but that’s not my fault. Act like a pro.

I’m going to try and ask him politely to please tone it down tomorrow in Rockford but I have serious doubts that he’ll do it. I’ll give him a shot but if he doesn’t I’m going to call the booker and at least complain a little. I hate to do that but he’s way over the line here.

This is getting to be a bigger and bigger problem in comedy. When I started there were a lot fewer rooms to work with a lot fewer comedians and chances were at least the act in the closing spot had some experience and if an opening act got too blue or went too long it was dealt with. It didn’t have to be nasty or mean but it usually was handled very quickly.

I remember a couple of guys mentioning something to me when I was coming up and it wasn’t meant to humiliate me at all. I remember one time I was an emcee and tried to get a laugh in the middle of the show before I brought the headliner up. It was a graphic joke about someone taking a nasty dump and not flushing and it wasn’t the right mood setter.

The headliner was a guy named Tommy Sledge and he was a wily road veteran. He’s a great guy and a real pro and when he told me that I knew he was right and apologized for my mistake and said I’d never do it again and I didn’t. At the end of the week I could tell Tommy was appreciative of it because he came over and told me so. I got his message.

He wasn’t doing it to ‘cramp my style’ or ‘censor my artistic voice’. He was doing it to help me learn the ropes and just letting me know I needed to go in a different direction. It totally made sense and I appreciate him taking the time to do that. Many guys won’t. It’ll be a matter of a call to the booker and that’s the end of it. I am thankful Tommy was nice.

I try to be nice too but that doesn’t work with the guy I’m with this week. Like a lot of newbies he thinks he’s going to change the rules to suit him and that everyone will come running to make him the next big thing in comedy. His ‘routine’ about oral sex is way too graphic and isn’t very funny at all and I could see people squirming in their seats tonight.

I went up and purposely didn’t swear at all tonight. Not once. I don’t have to and in my opinion nobody really does. Sometimes some spicy language can punctuate a bit and that is the discretion of the comedian but it should come later in the show. Doing it up front is a good way to lose the crowd for the whole show and nobody wants to be on stage then.

In my opinion no opener or even feature act on a three act comedy show needs to use a single ‘F-bomb’ for their entire show. Sometimes the situation dictates or the mood calls for it and occasionally that’s fine but to have it be a written in part of the act isn’t needed.

I counted about 15 ‘F-bombs’ before I walked out of the room. Then I came back and it had changed to a sermon about giving oral pleasure to a woman complete with vivid and graphic descriptions which were beyond good taste in a hotel sports bar in Decatur, IL.

People need to learn to be a COMEDIAN first. Fundamentals are important and THEN a comic can choose which direction to go. Some will choose to work blue and that’s fine but it also limits the places to work and why would anyone new want to do that up front? I’ve had clashes with several comics over the years but I still maintain I’m in the right.

I tell my students ‘clean leads to green’ and I mean it. If a comedian can work clean in most environments it’s the best way to get booked back. Even if people are laughing it’s a tough sell to bring a dirty act back again. Comedy is not easy but that’s part of the fun.

530 Wasted Miles

ItsMrLucky — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 16:53:29 GMT

Tuesday August 26th, 2008 - Decatur, IL/Rockford, IL/Lake Villa, IL
For as much effort as I put into being an intelligent person and making smart decisions I sure can pull off some world class stupid things. Today was one of my finest hours. It will be a long time before I can top this one and I hope it is. This was one for the record book.

I’ve got two one nighters booked for this week. One is at the Holiday Inn in Decatur, IL and the other is at a place called LT’s in Rockford. I’ve done them both probably a dozen times over the years and it should be no big deal. I have worked for John Yoder for years. He’s the guy that books these two places and it’s about as easy of a transaction as there is.

He sends me an email asking if I’m open for the dates. I say yes. He puts me in and then sends me a confirmation with an itinerary of the information I’ll need like time and place and date and contact numbers, stuff like that. I show up and do the gigs and get my pay.

That shouldn’t be an issue at all and for the last however many times I’ve done this run there have been no problems at all. I showed up and did my show and even though some audiences were better than others there were no problems like I had to deal with tonight.

For whatever reason I stupidly went to DECATUR today rather than Rockford. I knew Decatur was always on a Wednesday but I totally had a brain pan malfunction and went a day early. I had lunch with Marc Schultz and everything and I told him I was heading out to Decatur and it never crossed my mind even once that this was Tuesday. I just blew it.

My drive was leisurely and actually pretty relaxing…until I got to the Holiday Inn and asked to check in. The guy behind the counter looked at me and wrinkled an eye brow as he asked ‘You want a room TONIGHT?’ I said ‘Uh…yes please.’ He then said ‘You’re a COMEDIAN?’ I pointed to the poster for the show and said ‘Yes. That’s me right there.’

He said ‘OK but the show is TOMORROW night. We do our comedy on Wednesdays.’ That’s when it hit me like a cement boxing glove to the face. My eyes got big and I knew I blew it. I laughed about it with the desk clerk and then made a mad dash back to the car.

If Decatur was tomorrow that must mean Rockford was TONIGHT. It was 7pm and I’d have to really hustle to make it on time for a 9pm show. I called the club in Rockford and got the worse news that their show started at 8pm. Gulp. There was no way I’d make it to Rockford, IL from Decatur by show time so I asked if they could hold the show for a bit.

As I was asking my phone ran out of juice and shut off. I have no car charger right now because my new phone doesn’t fit on my old charger. What a scam and I didn’t spend the $40 to get the new one because I just don’t have an extra $40 right now. So I’m screwed.

This is when the frustration sets in. I needed to be in Rockford and it was far away but I was the one who made the mistake so it was up to me to fix it. I cranked my Honda up as far as it would go and I risked life and limb at 95mph to hopefully make this all go away.

It’s amazing how quickly the tide can turn and completely change everything. Just a few minutes ago I was relaxing and preparing to take a nice shower and get ready for the show and now I’m like a NASCAR driver in a cross country race hoping to make good time.

I didn’t follow my rule of wearing something that I could wear on stage in a pinch while I drive because I wasn‘t expecting this at all. Everything I ‘usually’ do was not done today and I laughed about it because it was pretty funny. When it rains it pours but this was way bigger than just a rain storm. This was a tsunami of stupid and I was the one who did it.

USUALLY I have my phone charged up. USUALLY I know where I’m going and what day to be there. USUALLY I show up on time. This was not a usual day but all I could do since I couldn’t call anyone was try to get to Rockford and do damage control and hope to be able to salvage a show and not have the owner call John Yoder and cause a big scene.

One thing I did right was keep my wits about me in all this commotion. I didn’t panic at all and thought things through as I sped up I-39 toward Rockford. Would this affect me in the big scheme of life? No. Would it ruin my career? No. What’s the worst thing that may happen if I miss the gig? Well, John Yoder might get a call. I can live with that. It’s ok.

John is a reasonable guy and he’s been booking comedians for 30 years. I’m sure he has had comics miss shows in the past and the world is still spinning. If I have to pay him his commission out of my pocket as a penalty I’ll do it but I doubt if he’ll stop booking me.

With all those things going through my mind I knew this wouldn’t be a crisis but only a minor inconvenience and whatever consequences there would be I’d be able to accept the final outcome and move on. I was a little angry at myself for being so stupid but I moved past that too after a short time. The damage was done and being angry wouldn’t help any.

The reason this happened is that I’m TOO familiar with the circumstances. I’ve been at this for so long that I didn’t check the details like I would normally do. I ‘assumed’ and it is never good to do that. Well, the ‘ass’ this time was just ‘me’. There was no ‘u’ at all. It was my fault and I claimed the mistake and didn’t dwell on it after a while. I felt ok then.

The smart thing to do was keep focusing on good things so that’s what I did. I pictured myself onstage rather than getting yelled at by the owner. I pictured him giving me money rather than having me write a check to John Yoder. I totally focused on that while I drove.

Then when I got to LT’s I saw another guy on stage. I figured they must have called one of the locals in and it was actually relief to see the show going on. As it turns out I was on the wrong night here too. LT’s does comedy TWO nights a week and I’m booked for their show on THURSDAY instead of Tuesday. I dodged a bullet but what a bad way to do it.

I could have stayed in Decatur and relaxed because I had tonight OFF. What a dummy I am for not looking at that itinerary closer. Here I drove a total of 530 miles when I should have stayed home and relaxed all day. I sure learned my lesson today. Read the itinerary.

Rodney Time

ItsMrLucky — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 05:59:21 GMT

Monday August 25th, 2008 - Chicago, IL
Something’s wrong. I feel it. My head’s in a bad space and I need to change direction in a hurry. I’ve been here before and I don’t like it one bit. Hopefully like a cold I can get rid of it in the shortest time possible. I need orange juice and hot chicken soup for my brain.

I’m trying to figure out what put me here so I can stay away from it next time. It’s been a while since I have slid into ‘the heaviness’ as Rodney Dangerfield used to call it but it’s back like herpes and I’m not thrilled about it. These are the times when life isn’t any fun.

Today was a rough Monday and I usually love Mondays. I do Jerry’s Kidders on WLS with a fun group and then I usually do Zanies at night. Today I was late for the radio show because I had a friend in town I hadn’t seen in years. Brian Diamond is a comic I’ve been friends with for many years and he was passing through Chicago on his way back home.

He’s around my age and has been working the road forever but he really wants to be an actor. He doesn’t hide it and that’s fine but we differ on that goal. I want to be a COMIC. Period. I love doing standup comedy for audiences who enjoy it and that’s my life’s goal.

Brian has a nice girlfriend who he brought on this trip and we met in a Denny’s to catch up on the last few years. I really like Brian and in all the years we’ve known each other he has never heard my entire bank robbery story. It really is a fascinating story but I am very sick of telling it after all these years. It really pains me to go back to that mental place.

I was sold down the river by my lifelong best friend and the only choice I had was to be the one who testified against him and sent him to prison. That’s a hell of a choice and it’s bad enough I had to actually do it but to relive it again all these years later isn’t fun at all.

Brian asked me nicely to tell it and I obliged but it didn’t feel good at all. Maybe that’s part of the reason I’m in a mental funk right now. I picked a few old scabs inside and it’s bleeding everywhere. It was great to see Brian but then I had to get to the radio station in time for the Kidder’s show at 10:30. I fought hellish traffic and made it barely on time.

I was stressed out and sweating like a pig because it was hot and muggy and I didn’t get to look at the stories at all. I was busy yesterday working on the Mothership Connection’s guest content and I figured I’d do the WLS prep this morning. I took longer than I thought with Brian and that put me behind schedule. That’s just how it worked out but it hurt me.

Well, it hurt my ability to prepare for the radio show. Usually I like to ad lib a lot but to know the stories allows for the ability to ad lib better. Today I was flat out unprepared for my part of the show and even though I let loose with a few good lines I was disappointed.

This isn’t how I want to represent myself or Jerry either. Winging it half ass is not what I want to be known for. I want to be better than that but today I didn’t think I was. Maybe that’s also a part of why I’m dragging my tail behind me. I felt like I didn‘t give my best.

Tonight at Zanies wasn’t much better. They’re having their 30th anniversary and part of it includes a contest each month to find the funniest lawyer or doctor or teacher etc. and I was the one to close out the show with a forty minute set. I got some nice laughs in a tiny audience but it didn’t seem fulfilling at all. Usually I love to work but tonight it was flat.

I guess I just felt bored with it all. I’m bored with the Jerry’ Kidders bit on WLS and if you’d have bet me a year ago I’d never say that I’d have taken that bet. I love Zanies and I am very thankful they asked me to close the show tonight but that bored me just the same.

Those things are fun enough but I’ve done them both many times and I just feel that I’m spinning my wheels at this point. I’m not getting paid for the WLS gig and it’s a hassle to take the train into town every Monday even though it is fun to hang out with the group.

I don’t want to complain and I know that I could be replaced in a blink in either of these two deals and if it happened today I really couldn’t care less. That’s not how it should be. I should be excited to be in both places. I think. Maybe this is the universe talking to me.

I have always read where the most creative people have no idea how much impact they truly make on those around them and I guess I am in that place right now. There are many people who tell me I’m very funny and talented and how much they admire my work and I really do appreciate it when they say that but I just don’t feel it myself. I feel like a bum.

It’s hard not to look at all that went wrong in my life combined with the stupid mistakes I made to go with it and I’m not sure if I’ll ever recover. Sometimes I feel like I’m totally bulletproof and I’ll overcome anything. Today I feel like I can get beaten up by a fruit fly.

When I get this low there’s only one cure for my ills - The King. In my world only one guy cheers me up when I’m in a mud rut like this and that’s Rodney Dangerfield. He’s my favorite comedian just like George Clinton is my favorite music. No substitutes will do.

I put in the DVD of Rodney’s movie ‘Easy Money’ which always makes me laugh out loud. Everything about Rodney is funny to me and like a virtuoso he plays his comic gifts like a violin and it soothes my inner pain every time. Thanks Rodney. I needed you today.

I’ve got a 3 DVD box set of his specials on HBO and some of the Tonight Shows he did over the years. To watch his timing and rhythm and study his greatness really puts me in a good mood or at least helps me forget about the bad one for a while. He is truly a classic.

It would be a thrill if I could be that kind of influence on some other people too. Rodney is still making me laugh even after he passed and there’s no greater comic gift than that. If I can have one wish it would be to make future generations laugh even after I pass away.

Laurel and Hardy did it too. The Three Stooges. Buster Keaton. Chaplin. Even a few of the newer guys like Belushi and Kinison and Bill Hicks and Mitch Hedberg. They’re dead in body but alive in making people laugh who need it. Today I’m one. Thanks Rodney!

Fun At The Faire

ItsMrLucky — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 04:41:12 GMT

Sunday August 24th, 2008 - Bristol, WI/Kenosha, WI
It only took me about thirty years but I finally checked out the Bristol Renaissance Faire today. I remember seeing commercials for it on TV when I was a kid but it was known as King Richard’s Faire then. I’ve always wanted to check it out and today I got my chance.

Anything that has to do with well done live entertainment interests me and I thought the whole operation was extremely well done. These guys must be doing something right or it wouldn’t have lasted this long and I just sat back and observed how the operation worked.

We saw a jousting show which was great and then had a guy with a big beard do a show about some sort of old time surgeon’s tricks and even though I had no idea what he talked about I appreciated how he held the attention of everyone for his thirty minute soliloquy.

The highlight of the day was ‘The Mud Show’. Three guys did a show in a mud pit and it was one of the most entertaining things I’ve ever seen. The mud was only a tiny portion of what made it so great. The rest of it was the interaction and teamwork of the players.

It was basically two guys cheerleading to see who could get one side of the audience to yell louder than the other and then donate more money than the other so the ‘judge’ might deem one side the better one. It was a cross between a street hustle and a pep rally but the guys were extremely tight and we all loved it. They are a three man team and very funny.

I got to talk to two of them after the show and told them I was a performer too but I had never seen anything quite like their show and I meant it. I told them how smooth they had their teamwork down and pointed out several examples and they both beamed when I said it because they’re not used to hearing it. Most audiences don’t care how difficult this is.

I knew exactly how much work it took to do what they did and they literally pulled their show right out of the mud and made it a big hit. I wanted to tell them I appreciated all that it took to polish a show like that and they were more than happy to hear it. They earned it.

I love to watch quality entertainment and I thought the entire place was top shelf all the way. I’m sure there is a circuit of these things just like comedy clubs and many of the acts travel around just like I do hoping to get that big break, whatever it may be. A lot of these people were quite freakish but that’s all part of the fun. I for one really enjoyed all of it.

Tonight we were back on the air in Kenosha for the Mothership Connection on WLIP. I was on the road most of the week so my co-host Scott Markus lined up the guests. One of them was good but the other was just so-so and we had a difficult time filling both hours.

This is all part of the growth process. We’re getting better every week and I’m not at all worried. We’re still having fun and that’s the main thing. After this long week I needed to relax a little and today was fun all around. I did hear from Terri Sorenson about the status of the family after the fire and they’re doing ok but I’d still like to do a benefit for them.

Drowning In BS

ItsMrLucky — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 05:16:33 GMT

Saturday August 23rd, 2008 - Lake Villa, IL
I’m trying not to let a bunch of little things get to me. But they are. There seems to be a glut of idiots who want to teach comedy classes and they’re springing up everywhere. It’s annoying and it makes what I’m doing seem like just another one of those hacks when it’s totally not. I’ve spent years improving and tweaking and putting my soul into what I do.

These other goofs are just trying to make a quick buck. They’ve never headlined a show in a club and to me they’re stealing money from a potential student but the students aren’t smart enough to know that and it all just irritates the hell out of me. But I can’t stop them.

Another thing that’s gnawing at me is the ‘Christian’ comedian in Rockford who is now apparently making big money to do lame shows for church audiences. I helped him out of respect for a friend of his who worked with Jerry Agar in North Carolina. He asked me to help Mr. Jesus Joker get started and I did. He really crossed the line with asking though.

He bugged me incessantly for months and I tried to be nice but it got to be an enormous pain in the ass after a while. I told him he was being a little aggressive and that hard work was what he needed to do but I guess he thought God would miracle his ass to be funny.

The least he could have done is let me be part of the shows if there was pay involved. It is common courtesy which is apparently not all that common. I have a real disdain for the way most God Squad wankers handle themselves anyway starting with my father on back. They like to play by different rules and always say ‘God bless’ right as they screw you.

I’m trying not to think about all this but it’s clogging my brain pipe lately. I had dinner with my cousin Brett up in Milwaukee because we were both off today. He’s been telling me lately he thinks I got screwed from my siblings on my father’s will and today he had a document from the case to prove it. Apparently they did get a chunk from life insurance.

I already signed off so it’s too late but it really bothered me that I’d been had…again. It isn’t supposed to work like that and if they had to steal from me how bad is their life? I’m struggling to survive and could have really used that money but I guess I’ll never see any.

My end would have been about $24,000 apparently not counting anything from the sale of his Munster like hovel on Mitchell Street which probably should have been torched on Halloween of 1977 to exorcise all the demons that lived there. But they did sell it I guess.

What can I do about any of it? Not a damn thing. I know in my heart I signed off on my end at the time because I wanted to make it easier on the rest. I was told there was nothing there and I believed it and if I did get screwed then it’s on them. If they need the cash that badly or think they’re pulling one over on me then I guess that’s what they needed to do.

This whole world is insane. I’m sick of fighting the stupidity and all I want to do is be a world class comedian and help others lives to be better. Mine is looking pretty unfixable.

A Burning Sadness

ItsMrLucky — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 04:54:01 GMT

Friday August 22nd, 2008 - Minonk, IL

Shock. Sadness. Sympathy. Sobbing. Those are four words that kicked me in the ‘s’ as I read my email this morning before leaving the hotel in Arkansas. I sadly learned of a huge fire that completely destroyed my friend Les Sorenson’s house up in the Milwaukee area.

Les was the guy who owned the coin and stamp shop on Howell Avenue that was killed right in the store a couple of years ago now. They never did catch the lowlife maggot who did it and the whole thing was just wrong. Les was a wonderful soul and as gentle as they come. Every time I did a show in Milwaukee he’d bring his whole family out to see me.

He was a fan and a friend and I got to know and like his family too. I can honestly say I have never met a kinder bunch of people anywhere and now they get paid back by having their house with everything in it burn down. From what I heard they lost EVERYTHING.

Les was a packrat for sure and he had so much crap packed into his shop it was difficult to even walk through it so I’m sure the house had a ton of stuff in it. There was a lot of all kinds of stuff but Les especially liked autographs. The family was going to sell those so it could help make ends meet but there was just so much of it they hadn’t sorted it all out.

Les used to tell me how he built that house with his own hands. He was proud of it and always said he was going to have me out for dinner so I could see it but we never did get to do that and now it‘s too late. It‘s one more bit of proof that nothing is ever guaranteed.

To make it even worse they had a son who was in a nasty car wreck years ago and had a lot of special needs. He had trouble getting around and now he’s without a home too. I am very sad to hear of this and it bothered me all day in the car as I drove just over 650 miles.

I sent an email to the family saying I’ll be glad to do a comedy show to benefit them but in reality how much would it really do? I’ve tried to do benefit shows before and they’re a tough sell and I’m the first one to admit I’m not a big draw, especially in my home town.

This isn’t about me at all though. This is about trying to lend a hand to a family who has seen more tough times than anyone needs to. I know nothing about rebuilding a house but I do know about putting on comedy shows so if I can do that and help out I’ll gladly do it.

I know there are causes all over the place and many of them are legit and worthy and I’ll always pitch in whenever I can to help someone in need but this is a special occasion. The whole family is about as kind and gentle as humans get and I’d do anything to help them.

Nothing else I can say or do today will be more important than this. I totally don’t care about any baseball or football scores or who Obama’s oil can running mate is going to be or a whole lot of anything else either. Hearing of this really laid heavy on my heart all day and I feel totally helpless about what I can do to lend a hand. This makes NO sense to me at all. How can such friendly gentle people have this kind of evil keep crapping on them?

A Good Road Trip

ItsMrLucky — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 06:15:28 GMT

Thursday August 21st, 2008 - Dallas, TX/Ft. Smith, AR
Only 296 miles of driving today. It felt like a day off. Plus, having Lee Adams with me in the car made the trip go even faster. He’s a fascinating guy with some great stories and insights about life. He’s a few years older than me and just started doing comedy six years ago after spending a lifetime in the military and doing some other interesting things too.

He’s been over to Iraq and a whole lot of other places and he’s got some insights from a first hand perspective that kept my full interest on this trip. Plus he used to tour as a road manager for Bo Diddley and some other music acts and that made for a few stories also.

Hooking up with a good guy is one of the true treats of doing comedy on the road. I like the fact that we might not see each other for years and then we’ll cross paths and relive all the memories of the week all over again. It makes for a bond that lasts a lifetime and only the people involved can truly appreciate it. Lee and I hit it off and I hope we do it again.

I knew the drive wouldn’t be as long today so I got up early in Dallas to wander around downtown for a while. The last time I did that was when I took the bus trip and that was so long ago it all looked new again. I need to start exercising again though and I thought I’d start again today so I can hopefully get a streak going again. I need to do it every day.

It was a lot hotter and muggier today than it was yesterday and I was sweating like a pig in a very short time. I happened to see the Greyhound station a few blocks away so I went over there as a personal silver anniversary reunion of the trip that popped my road cherry.

I don’t know if it was the same station or not. I really didn’t remember anything unique about it back then and I was so tired from the trip that I wasn’t focusing on what the bus station looked like. I wanted to see Dallas. Now all these years later I couldn’t remember anything and it looked just like any other bus station - filled with derelicts and wackos.

My comedy bit came to life as I looked around the station 25 years later and I saw there hadn’t been much change in the clientele. One guy had a computer with him which is new since when I took my journey but I don’t think all the solitaire in the world could make up for the horrors of riding across America in a filthy sweat box filled with unwashed freaks.

I stood in line for about two minutes hoping to ask the ticket clerk how much a one way ticket to Milwaukee would be just to compare notes and see how it had evolved. I can still remember my round trip ticket back then costing $154. I wondered what a one way would cost but the idiot in front of me had a big problem and I didn’t feel like waiting any more.

If I really need to know what a bus ticket costs from Dallas to Milwaukee (and I hope to hell I never will) I’m sure I can look it up online in about ten minutes. It satisfied my need to relive my bus adventure so I got out of line and walked back out into the humid heat. It felt like I had graduated and went back to my old school again and it feels good for a little while but then it’s time to move on. I hope I never have to ride a Greyhound bus again.

A few blocks from the bus station I happened upon the Kennedy Memorial. I assumed a memorial of some sort would be downtown and there was. It was only a few blocks away from the actual site of the assassination and I couldn’t leave town without experiencing it.

These are the kinds of things that make the road so special and keep it fresh. I’m so glad I took the time over the years to see everything and anything I could and all this time later I don’t miss the money I spent but I do cherish all the lifetime memories it bought me. It’s the best money I ever spent and $13.50 admission today will be long forgotten very soon.

I’ll never forget the experience though. The museum is very well designed and there is a headset audio program that explains the whole story along the way. They restored the part of the building where allegedly the shots were fired and it’s a bit eerie to stand right there.

That was a huge event in American history and to see it in person was totally worth the price. I’m glad I did it and it was another thing that made me know I made a wise choice when I accepted these gigs. I listened to my little inner voice and it didn’t let me down.

After seeing the museum and finishing my walk I went back and showered at the hotel. They put us up in a great place and I just took time to be thankful for all that I’ve gotten a chance to experience in my life. Yes I’ve gotten more than my share of bad breaks but if I don’t acknowledge and claim the good things my whole life will be a waste. That’s dumb.

Today was a great day for many reasons. I had a super hotel room and Dallas has about as many hot women as any place I’ve ever seen. The hotel has a free breakfast and I got to sit at a table with some gorgeous babes and flirt for a while and then I went out and took a walk and saw the Greyhound station and then a piece of American History. It was great!

Then I got to ride in the car and hear fascinating stories of the music business and some other ones about traveling the world and what’s really going on in Iraq and that was about as entertaining as it gets. The drive seemed to fly by and we stopped at a burger joint for a sandwich and really got a great flavor of what Arkansas is all about. That was good too.

But the very best was saved for last. I was SO dreading coming back to do a show here I almost wanted to call in sick. Last time I was here it was a total disaster and I just wanted to get this over with and get paid. I wasn’t looking for any trouble and I knew when I took this run that this one might be a problem. I was prepared to just do my time and go home.

Boy was I surprised. For whatever reason this was a totally different vibe and I felt it as soon as I walked in the door. There were a LOT less hats both cowboy and baseball and it didn’t feel at all hostile and threatening like it did last time. I thought I might have a shot.

I was wrong. I had more than a shot. I had a bazooka tonight. These people were about as into it as it gets and I had one of the best shows I’ve had in a long time. I knocked this one not only out of the park but out of the parking lot too. What a way to end a run I was leery of to start with. Mr. Lucky caught a break and now it’s the long drive back home.

A Dallas Flashback

ItsMrLucky — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 05:29:38 GMT

Wednesday August 20th, 2008 - Dallas, TX
Deep in the heart of Texas. I’m back in Dallas after a long absence and I’m the only one who knows or cares. This is the place I intended to call home when I first left Milwaukee many years ago. I bought a Greyhound bus ticket because this was the farthest place away from Milwaukee back then that I could afford to buy a ticket. Not L.A. Not Miami. Here.

At least I was smart enough to buy a round trip ticket. Even back then I knew I may not be ready to sprout my wings and as it turns out I was totally right. I was going nowhere as a cook at a steak restaurant called ‘Rustler’ and I knew I needed to get out of Milwaukee.

Dallas seemed exciting to me and I still don’t know why. I never really was a fan of the TV show and I sure as hell can’t stand the Cowboys but I had heard good things about the town and decided this was where I was going to make my mark and start my comedy life.

I quit my job in mid shift when I was going on my break. I will never forget the look on the salad bar girl’s face when I told her what I was going to do. ‘Tell them I quit and I am never coming back. I can’t stay here anymore.’ There was a look in her eyes of ‘PLEASE take me with you.’ Looking back on it I bet she would have come along if I’d asked her.

The feeling of sheer adrenaline in quitting a dead end job was fantastic and then getting on the bus was even better. I had never been much of anywhere at the time and I was just out of high school and SO green and inexperienced but I knew this was what I wanted to do. I knew that it would be an experience and whatever happened I could recover from it.

I had a couple hundred bucks and some clothes and I set out to see the world. Getting to St. Louis and seeing the Gateway Arch for the first time was a big thrill that sends a chill down my back whenever I see it even now. It symbolized freedom and coming of age and chasing the big dream. I was 20 years old and my spirit of adventure was trying to bloom.

Crossing the Texas state line back then was another thrill I relived today when I did it in my car. I thought of how much time had passed since the last time and how far I’ve come and I was really proud that no matter what blew up in my face (and a lot did) I didn’t quit. Almost a quarter century later I’m driving a dented Honda but I’m still living the dream.

I remember very vividly getting off the bus and getting my duffel bag from the bowels of it and thinking to myself ‘Ok genius, NOW what?’ I had no contacts here and no idea of where to go to look for a place to live or a job or even a decent meal. I had looked in a few Dallas newspapers at the library but this was before the internet. I wasn’t prepared.

The sinking feeling hit me in about five minutes that I was no where near ready to make a move like this at that time. I didn’t fight it though. I went to the ticket counter and asked when the next bus back to Milwaukee left and it was in four hours. I took that time to just walk around downtown and see as much of the city as I could before I would have to suck up my pride and get back on the bus and return home. I’d bitten off just a little too much.

That ride home was one of the longest most painful experiences of my life since having the humiliation of flunking my first driver’s test but that’s another story for another time. One major life disappointment per day - that’s my rule or I’d be here typing until October.

What made the bus trip even worse was that I had gotten on the one that made twice as many stops as the last one did. We stopped in every little town and burg and Hooterville from Dallas to Milwaukee and many of them were familiar as I drove down here today.

McAlester, OK is one of them. There’s a prison there apparently and I remember back to that trip when a woman was on the bus and got off to meet her husband who had just been released. I heard her talking about it and she was all excited and I could see he was too as he smiled from ear to ear and showed the five or six teeth he had left. It was vivid.

That whole experience was and is vivid in my memory I’ve done a bit about a bus trip for many years that has gotten huge laughs time and time again. That was the trip I took and retracing those steps today was a surreal experience. It was an odd sort of reunion or something. I felt like I was going back to see my comedy kindergarten and I guess I was.

Even though it was a long drive it seemed nowhere near how long that bus trip felt. It’s like looking at the yard from childhood as an adult. It seems a lot smaller now. This was very similar. The trip wasn’t as far as I remembered it and it wasn’t really that big a deal. I kind of get the feeling death will be the same way. It won’t be as big as everyone thinks.

A lot of the thrill is gone for me for a lot of things, or at least the feeling of awe. When I got on that bus it felt like I was climbing into a spaceship to go to Alpha Centauri. All this time later driving the 1100 miles myself in my own car didn’t seem like a big deal at all.

Tonight’s show was at the House of Blues right downtown. They only started comedy a month ago so it’s still new. The room they do it in is pretty nice and the sound system was outstanding. The staff couldn’t have been any nicer from the GM to the manager to all the bartenders and servers. Even though the crowd wasn’t huge they still enjoyed the show.

Afterward they told us how much they loved us and I think they meant it. I could tell the staff were big partiers and they brought out shots for us and I had to politely decline. That isn’t always easy because many people don’t get the concept of someone who doesn’t like to drink. I don’t care if someone else does but for me I’m not interested. Not an easy sell.

To turn down a staff who wants to go nuts can be really bad for rebooking purposes. It’s considered a slap in the face by many and I know I’ve lost work over the years because of it just as it’s gotten work for mediocre comics in the past. That’s just how it works out.

I’m glad I took this gig for several reasons. Coming back to Dallas all these years later I can see how far I’ve progressed and it’s enormous. I also am enjoying the company of the opening act Lee Adams. He’s a very interesting guy with some great stories of working in the music business for years. We rode together to split gas costs and that helps both of us.

Three For The Money

ItsMrLucky — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 06:34:02 GMT

Tuesday August 19th, 2008 - Springfield, MO
I need money. Period. The best and quickest way I know of to accomplish that legally is to accept comedy gigs so that’s what I did. There was a last minute fallout for three nights beginning tonight in Springfield, MO. Tomorrow night is in Dallas, TX and Thursday is a return trip to good old Ft. Smith, AR which was absolutely torture last time I was there.

Never say never. I really didn’t think I’d ever go back to Ft. Smith again but the fates all huddled up and apparently they want me back. It was so miserable last time they all must want to make it up to me. I’m expecting a pair of horny twins with huge knockers to stalk me back to my hotel room after the show but then again I expect that all nights. No luck.

The booker called and offered me this three night run and I said yes. End of story. I am hoping to clear enough of a profit to pay my rent next month and if there aren’t any nasty unforeseen expenses I should be able to do exactly that. The drives will be long but I said I’d do it and I will without complaining. I’m just thankful I got the call when I needed it.

I was off this week and planned on revamping my whole life plan but I can still get a lot done by using my car as a mobile office. I have a cassette player and now a CD adapter to go with it so that makes it very flexible. I can start listening to my huge pile of audio stuff I’ve been neglecting for so long and I actually put a few in on the way down here today.

I also have divided up my projects into a top ten and have ten legal tablets each with the heading of the project and I’m going through them all and making notes until I run out of ideas and then I’m moving to the next one. I made some nice progress on that today also.

I’ve been having some hot shows lately even in shaky circumstances and that’s the best time to put some time into that to start improving even more. I made notes and have about 200 lines, ideas and concepts I want to start polishing and I went over those for an hour as I drove and it felt great to start that in motion too. My long day in the car was well spent.

It was 572 miles by the time I pulled into the hotel an hour and a half before the show. I don’t like to cut it that close but today I did and I accepted it. No panic. If I never get back to Springfield, MO I can still have a happy life. No offense to the town but that’s all it is.

There are a lot of towns a lot closer to where I live that I can get booked in the future to pay my bills but for this particular time this is the town that has the bucket of money on a stage. I had to drive 572 miles to pick it up and since I’m here I get to go up on that stage. That doesn’t mean I don’t try to give the people my best show but this is for the money.

This is a total stripper mentality and I admit it. This isn’t a career builder and nobody is going to see me here that can help me do anything I want to do except if those twins show up. Even then I’ll probably have to sit and pretend I’m interested in their stories of getting pit row passes at the last NASCAR race that came to town. I’ll worry about that when it’s happening but until then I will be thankful I could pick up these gigs and pay some bills.

The show tonight was at The Electric Cowboy. That’s the chain of clubs I worked back in December when I had my last hell run through these parts. It’s the same booker and he managed to put deals together with quite a few of these places. I did three of them the last run and one of them was Ft. Smith. They’re very nicely set up even if the crowds hate me.

It’s a country themed dance club and that’s never been my audience anyway. I’m not at all surprised I don’t go over very well in a situation like that but I am surprised they try to do comedy shows at all. The places are all huge and trying to focus on comedy is difficult for the audience and damn near impossible for the comedian. They’re loud and talkative.

I expected it going in so I wasn’t surprised when I got there and saw the identical setup I saw in Arkansas in December. They made a makeshift stage near the dance floor and put some tables near it. When I got there the DJ who ran the show was talking to the opening act and explaining the situation. They were both laid back and friendly and I appreciate it.

Most times if there will be a problem it manifests itself right away. Nobody was playing pampered superstar or diva and I surely don’t so I could tell in thirty seconds we’d all get along fine. There was also a bonus comic who did ten minutes to open the show for us.

He called himself ‘Old Man Willie’ and he didn’t tell me his age now but he did say he started comedy when he was 67 years old. He must have been about 72 or 73 at the very least but he went up and told the best of Henny Youngman and the rest of the old timers.

Apparently guys have been giving him all kinds of hassles because he thanked me about six times for being ‘kind and gracious to let me go up’. I could tell it made his whole day when I told him he was funny and he was. He got some laughs and who cares if he did the best of the Borscht Belt? Most of those guys are dead and I doubt if this crowd knew it.

The opener Lee Adams is a self described ‘country boy from Louisiana’ even though he wears a suit on stage. He is a nice guy but he talks about being country and smoking dope and this audience was a bunch of countrified dope smokers and they loved him the whole time he was up there. I don’t have a problem with that but they sure weren’t ready for me.

I took it slow and before I went on I told myself I wasn’t going to let this one deteriorate into another Topeka situation no matter what. I was going to do my time if I had to give a lesson in CPR or the subtleties of Three Stooges episodes with Shemp vs. Curly. Or both.

I could tell in the first minute I was in for a long night. Again. They just didn’t get it for the most part although a few of them did and those were the ones I worked to. There was a loud table of rude stupid rubes and rather than attack them I just talked over them so the audience could choose between listening to them yammer on or listen to me. It was a tie.

Anyone who wants to be a comedian needs to be in a situation like I was in tonight. It’s not for the squeamish on any level. I dare ANYONE to stand on a tiny makeshift stage to tell jokes to intoxicated locals in cowboy hats. Oh, and stay up there for 55 minutes too.

Mediocre Monday

ItsMrLucky — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 06:19:30 GMT

Monday August 18th, 2008 - Chicago, IL
Not the greatest of days today. It started off by me oversleeping and almost missing my train into Chicago to do Jerry’s Kidders on WLS. I didn’t have time to shower so I put my clothes on and sprinted for the train station. It’s about a six block trek but today it was an opportunity to almost have a heart attack. I need to get in shape yesterday and I know that.

I was wheezing and panting and sweating and embarrassed as I got to the train just as it was pulling in to the Lake Villa station. Youth is gone and I don’t think it’s coming back. I am out of shape and full of bacon and need to do something about it or I’ll be a statistic.

The crossword puzzle in the paper was screwy too and I wasn’t clicking on the clues. It usually stimulates my brain to do a daily crossword puzzle but today it just frustrated me. This particular puzzle just wasn’t clicking and for whatever reason I couldn’t figure it out.

Maybe it had something to do with the obese Pakistani woman who sat next to me with a rancid stench that smelled like the inflamed decomposing colon of a bison. There was more than one empty seat available on the train but of course she had to sit next to me for an hour and clear my sinuses with her fetid ass ripeness. Doesn’t Allah allow any soap?

I tried to ignore it but I couldn’t. I wanted to just stand up and say out loud ‘Would you PLEASE remember to wash your bung hole tomorrow morning?’ I’m still sorry I didn’t. I’m sure others had to smell it too. I’m fine with other cultures…as long as they all bathe.

Our show on WLS was nothing to be proud or ashamed of. It just was. We kept sounds coming out of the speakers for a half hour and nobody complained but I doubt they’ll tell their grandchildren about it either. Sometimes people have off days and today we all had one simultaneously. Maura Myles does news and she was sharp as usual. She saved us all.

I did hear from my friend Joey Callahan in Philadelphia and that’s always a highlight. I think the world of Joey onstage and off and it was just his birthday this week. I called him to wish him a happy one and he called back and we chatted for a while as I fought the big traffic nightmare on my way into the city to host the Zanies rising stars showcase tonight.

The audience was pretty big and I thought it might be a hot show but it was again just as mediocre as the radio show was. I wasn’t the only one either. There were several acts that had a tough time and that happens. For whatever reason this was just one of those days.

John Fox came in and he was in rough shape. His mother died very recently and he was in a sad mood. I gave him a nice plug from the stage and afterward he came over and said ‘Thanks buddy, I sure needed that tonight.’ Then he gave me a hug and squeezed it hard.

It lasted a little longer than was comfortable but I could tell he was in pain and I always liked John as a person. He never hurt anyone else and was very encouraging to me when I started. I’m glad I could pay him back a little. He’s a dented can too and I felt his pain.